2.a.viii
“Once we get
this upgrade installed we’ll be back in business,” the CEO said. He held a power drill with a very aggressive
bit. In his other hand was a clunky
metal box. A tangle of wires sprouted
from one side and a toggle switch stuck out on the other.
Positioned on the
desk in front of him was Matt the Manager.
Matt was on his hands and knees, navy blue slacks around his ankles,
bare ass in the air.
“Will this
hurt?” Matt the Manager asked.
“Oh most
certainly,” the CEO said. “Didn’t you see the size of this thing? Still, no pain, no subordination, right?”
Matt whimpered
and said, “I suppose… Isn’t there some other way?”
The CEO
scowled.
“Listen
Matthew. You need to ask yourself if you
want to be a part of this company?”
“Oh, trust me,
I am,” Matt the Manager said.
The CEO
continued unimpeded, “And if the answer is yes then what sacrifices are you
willing to make to be successful? How
can you work more efficiently, save the company money, and broaden our market
share?”
The CEO set
the metal box on the desk, gripped Matt’s left butt cheek, and test fired the
drill. Matt flinched at every successive
whir.
“I thought I
was doing all that,” Matt the Manager said.
“I keep my payroll low, full-time personnel to an absolute minimum. I always–”
“You are in
need of retraining. And a software
upgrade. Please… just try to enjoy it.”
Mr. Jones and
Tanya stood in the doorway, mouths agape.
“Are you also
suppressing the urge to vomit?” Tanya asked.
The faces of
the CEO and Matt the Manager snapped toward the door like two startled
teenagers caught by un-knocking parents.
The CEO hissed
like a cat.
“This isn’t,
uh… We weren’t,” Matt stammered. “It’s
all office related.”
The CEO
stopped hissing, his face suddenly the epitome of calm.
“That will be
all, Matthew. Please pull up your pants
and wait outside. I’ll print out some
instructions so you can finish the upgrade at home.”
Matt the
Manager scrambled off the desk, fumbled his pants into a less incriminating
position, and fled for the door.
