Your promise to always keep the book toilet-side is much appreciated.
Showing posts with label Satisfied Customers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Satisfied Customers. Show all posts
Friday, December 14, 2018
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Satisfied Customers 19: The Super Special Alaskan Trilogy (part three)
In hopes of easing the burdens of
being an Alaskan with Corporate Man material just out of reach, we offer Part
Three of our three part Alaskan Edition of Satisfied Customers.
Last time we discussed Mama Alaska ’s very clever ranger-station-distribution of The Tragic
Death of Corporate Man books. And since
ranger stations are like the crossroads of the wilderness (the only things that
break up all those trees and rivers and bears) it didn’t take long before all
the people of Alaska were familiar with the exploits of Corporate Man and his
business themed compatriots.
Soon, the merchandising
began. Nothing too clever at first. Always inebriated the Alaskan mind found the
subtleties of the Corporate Man universe difficult to emulate in their rugged
world. Their first campaign was
successful, but not something to be particularly proud of.
A State sponsored push to increase
cigarette sales.
It wasn’t so much the championing
of Big Tobacco that cast a shadow on this initial revenue growth strategy, as
it was the utterly lowbrow technique of the campaign. Just glue a cigarette to the book and
customers will be back to buy the rest of the pack by the end of the first
chapter.
The next Alaskan ploy looked like
this.
A very brilliant scheme. Using Corporate to market not-at-all-haunted-and-or-creepy
dolls to children was a smash.
Unfortunately there was some cross pollenization between the first and
second marketing campaigns. This
normally would not have been a problem. After
all, babies in Alaska are weaned on cigarettes.
Until they reach puberty the kids up there call them binkies. What got everyone so riled up were the images
that leaked to other states of toddlers puffing on a cancer sticks while
dragging those creepy dolls things around.
For awhile it seemed that
Corporate Man’s moment in the great northern sun was at an end. And then along came Mama Alaska once again. An
article appeared in one of those gardening magazines. A cover story featuring here incredible
garden.
A gardening boom swept across the
state with sales of statuary at the forefront.
Everyone wanted sculptural pieces that would best accent their Corporate
Man books. Mama Alaska ’s garden featured forty-seven copies of The Tragic Death
of Corporate Man.
Soon it became a challenge to see
who could incorporate the most Corporate Man books into his or her garden. And the State has never looked back. They’ve fully embraced the Corporate Man
ideology and are continually seeking out ways to further incorporate the books,
and the economic principles contained within, into their daily lives.
To commemorate our return to
serialized publication, temporary though it may be, we commissioned Mama Alaska to create a unique line of merchandise for the
occasion. And so, with great pride, we
here at the Corporate Man Blog would like to present Mama Alaska ’s latest money maker, made with real Alaskan grit, the
Corporate Man: Ever Changing Acceptable Standards of Facial Hair play set.
Order yours today!
And so we say to you, our mad
Alaskan neighbors, our number one fans, keep buying those Corporate Man
books. Show all those other states who
the number one consumer of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man is. I hear Hawaii and Idaho are catching up to you so be sure to double your next bulk
order.
The End.
To purchase copies of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man and other works by Tom Landaluce, please choose your format and follow the appropriate link.
Corporate Man Books:
These Odd Morsels:
On Kindle
Book 1 - http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0088FKNSI
Book 2 - http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BMI5A5E
These Odd Morsels - http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00EOCJ808
Kindle version for Europe . (Corporate Man 1, 2, and These Odd Morsels)
On Nook
Corporate Man Book 1 - http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-tragic-death-of-corporate-man-tom-landaluce/1111781640?ean=9781105848728
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Satisfied Customers 19: The Super Special Alaskan Trilogy! (part two)
Ever since the announcement of the
short story Enslaved by the Bonus Whores: A Corporate Man Adventure, Alaskans
everywhere can be heard shouting, “Bring on the Whores!” or “Give us the
Whores!” or just “Whores! Whores! Whores!”
Some Alaskans, eager to purchase new Corporate Man material, have taken
to uttering the phrase, “Hey baby, how much?” on street corners. Sometimes there’s even a bookstore nearby.
Anyway, it’s a phenomenon. It’s crazy.
We here at the Corporate Man Blog,
in our triumphant return to serialized publication of economic superhero antics,
are honoring those frenzied Alaskans with a three part Satisfied Customer
update. In Part One we met this woman.
We dubbed her Mama Alaska and chronicled
her chance encounter with The Tragic Death of Corporate Man text and the
subsequent benefits it wrought including wealth, loss of spouse, and whisper
calm canines. In Part Two we will
examine the wild-fire spread of the Corporate Man brand across the pristine
wilderness of the Alaskan peninsula.
When we left our heroine she was
rich beyond imagining, but desperately starved for human companionship. Remember, this is in Alaska where you can travel around for six or seven years and
never see another person. It’s that big
and that desolate.
She decided that what she needed
were business comrades. So she distributed copies of The Tragic Death of
Corporate Man around the region. It is
unclear how she did this. Either she chucked copies out the window of a float
plane and simply let the winds of fate decide what happened or she made arduous
treks to various ranger stations marked out on maps and littered those sites
with the manuscript. Both are
viable. We, however, lean toward the
ranger station scenario because of the following, photographic evidence.
Not quite the-smoking-gun concrete
variety of proof, but still fairly compelling evidence. We were also provided
with extensive ranger station documentation of sudden book appearances at
various locales throughout the state.
There was an alternate “tied books
to game animals thus distributing them to the Alaskan citizenry via hunting”
culture hypothesis put forth by this man.
He is Alaskan literary historian
and craftsman jardinière, a man whom
we shall call Bubba Alaska . He also seems to
be the sole owner of a mysterious glowing edition of The Tragic Death of
Corporate Man. Unfortunately, we
were unable to obtain Bubba Alaska ’s supposed evidence of game animal distribution as he was
forced to cut our interview short because of some urgent reading he had to do.
Join us next time for Part Three
of this very special Alaskan Edition of Satisfied Customers in which we will
examine the rampant commercialization of the Corporate Man brand throughout the
loveable 49th State of our capitalist union.
To purchase copies of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man and other works by Tom Landaluce, please choose your format and follow the appropriate link.
Corporate Man Books:
These Odd Morsels:
On Kindle
Book 1 - http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0088FKNSI
Book 2 - http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BMI5A5E
These Odd Morsels - http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00EOCJ808
Kindle version for Europe . (Corporate Man 1, 2, and These Odd Morsels)
On Nook
Corporate Man Book 1 - http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-tragic-death-of-corporate-man-tom-landaluce/1111781640?ean=9781105848728
Friday, August 8, 2014
Satisfied Customers 19: The Super Special Alaskan Trilogy! (part one)
And it all started with this.
This woman (let’s call her Mama
Alaska), one pleasant rainy day, happened upon a copy of The Tragic Death of
Corporate Man. With nothing better
to do, she read it, found herself fiscally amused, and full of brilliant
business ideas. That evening she shared
the book with her husband. Or maybe it
was her brother. Or both. Anyway, it completely blew his mind.
They had a meeting. She outlined extensive money making schemes
and various investment strategies. Her
proposal lasted for seventeen hours. She
then turned the floor over to him. He had but one idea.
Smoke bombs.
Mama Alaska was unimpressed.
For the next few weeks they worked
separately to realize their visions. At
the end of this time Mama Alaska was a billionaire widow.
His smoke bomb idea proved somewhat fatal. Rich but lonely she adopted several canine
companions. These, however, proved less than ideal as business
partners. It seems the vicious fiscal
logic of the Corporate Man text cowed them into a submissive state. Not ideal for the cutthroat world of
finance. Turning lemons into lemonade
she recognized the opportunity and sold copies of the Corporate Man book as
doggie sedatives and made her fortune.
Please join us next time for Part
Two of this three part Alaskan edition of Satisfied Customers in which we will
explore the dissemination of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man into the Alaskan
landscape.
To purchase copies of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man and other works by Tom Landaluce, please choose your format and follow the appropriate link.
Corporate Man Books:
These Odd Morsels:
On Kindle
Book 1 - http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0088FKNSI
Book 2 - http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BMI5A5E
These Odd Morsels - http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00EOCJ808
Kindle version for Europe . (Corporate Man 1, 2, and These Odd Morsels)
On Nook
Corporate Man Book 1 - http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-tragic-death-of-corporate-man-tom-landaluce/1111781640?ean=9781105848728
Corporate Man Book 2 - http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-tragic-death-of-corporate-man-tom-landaluce/1115550361?ean=9781300840817
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Satisfied Customers 18: Celebrity Edition!
How does local legend, and musician
noir, JK2 relax? He gardens flowers in
hanging pots. I believe the cool kids
call this flower potting, but that could just as easily mean something else so
we’ll skip it. What interests us is what
JK2 reads to his flowers to make them grow.
“Sometimes I read the Bible. That one keeps me and the flowers laughing
for hours. Jesus had such a dry sense of
humor. A really subtle wit. It’s a shame he didn’t write more books
before the crucifixion. His work… it
wasn’t the same after that.”
In addition to his religious
reading, JK2 also enjoys economics and marketing texts.
“The Tragic Death of Corporate Man
is brilliant. Not only did it teach me a
great deal about finance but when I read it aloud to my flowers their blossoms get
bigger and they look more colorful the next day.”
We drove by the following day and
spotted him outside reading volume two of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man. Check out the
blossom comparison. Just look at those
colors!
Special thanks to JK2 for agreeing to speak with the editors of the Corporate Man Blog.
Please visit him at one of the following webpages and tell him how much you love flowers and Corporate Man and the Bible's more humorous passages.
To purchase copies of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man and other works by Tom Landaluce, please choose your format and follow the appropriate link.
Corporate Man Books:
These Odd Morsels:
On Kindle
Book 1 - http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0088FKNSI
Book 2 - http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BMI5A5E
These Odd Morsels - http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00EOCJ808
Kindle version for Europe . (Corporate
Man 1, 2, and These Odd Morsels)
On Nook
Corporate Man Book 1 - http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-tragic-death-of-corporate-man-tom-landaluce/1111781640?ean=9781105848728
Monday, August 4, 2014
Satisfied Customers 17: iGlasses
Before Google ever dreamed of
Glass, there were iGlasses. No, not an
Apple device. They really missed the
boat on that particular product. It
should have been obvious. The iBook, the
iPad, the iPhone… iGlasses? Duh. But alas, no. iGlasses first appeared in a wonderful story
entitled The Tragic Death of Corporate Man: a hero for capitalism; champion of
the working class. Al Gore may have had
something to do with it. You’ll have to
read the book.
Anyway, so inspired by the iGlasses
idea, this Satisfied Customer became obsessed with making them a reality.
Apparently he didn’t sleep for
months (I believe there were some pills involved) and never left the lab. Showers became a stranger to him (as did his
fellow researchers and assistants). But
the work paid off. Not quite the Al Gore
white-plastic frames model, but a functioning set of computer glasses
nonetheless. Images of Corporate Man
slither across the outer surface in a never ending loop while the interior of
the lenses display chapters of the books and links to the blog. Tiny speakers in the temple tips allow the
wearer to hear the award winning JK2 music which accompanies the equally award
winning Corporate Man commercials.
Eventually Google bought his
prototype for billions and rebranded the product in their own image.
To purchase copies of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man and other works by Tom Landaluce, please choose your format and follow the appropriate link.
Corporate Man Books:
These Odd Morsels:
On Kindle
Book 1 - http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0088FKNSI
Book 2 - http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BMI5A5E
These Odd Morsels - http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00EOCJ808
Kindle version for Europe . (Corporate Man 1, 2, and These Odd Morsels)
On Nook
Corporate Man Book 1 - http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-tragic-death-of-corporate-man-tom-landaluce/1111781640?ean=9781105848728
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
First Edition Stock
Look! Real books.
Made of paper!
For those
analog-souls out there, I have paperback editions of both volumes of The Tragic
Death of Corporate Man (a hero for capitalism; champion of the working class)
and a brand new short story collection called These Odd Morsels. If you’d like to read one (or all) of these
wonderful books I would be happy to act as your supplier. Of course, if you don’t live in the vicinity
of ME and find yourself shy of vacation hours with which to visit ME, you can always order copies from these links:
Corporate Man 1 https://www.createspace.com/3903289
Corporate Man 2 https://www.createspace.com/4148636
These Odd Morsels https://www.createspace.com/4184051
There is an added benefit when you
buy directly from me, though. I know the
author personally and I’ve convinced myself to sign copies and provide
bookmarks to those who put cash (checks if I know you well enough) in my
hand. Just $5.00 for either Corporate
Man book and only $7.50 for These Odd Morsels.
Quite a bargain. For those of you
looking for unique Christmas presents (no, it’s not took early to mention Christmas. I think winter holiday displays are edging
out the Halloween merchandise already) I have a deal for you. Buy five copies of any one book and get a
fifth copy (presumably for yourself) at no additional charge.
For those of you who believe that
books are what happen to other people, I have another freebie just for you: an
all encompassing guilt trip. Five bucks
($17.50 for the set!) is not that much when you think of all the good it will
do. Not only will your money support
independent artists, but it will join in the battle against illiteracy and
combat the stranglehold that large corporate conglomerates have over the
publishing industry. And if you know me
personally, or even if you are just a casual acquaintance, then you should buy
multiple copies simply because I asked and you love me.
If that doesn’t convince you,
then you should buy my books to make this little girl happy.
If you have a hard time doing
anything for other people, then think of yourself. If you take a picture of yourself with either
(or both) of my Corporate Man books and send it to me, I will post it on the Corporate Man blog where
you will be immortalized on the internet forever. Just ask these satisfied customers.
LOOK! IT'S CORPORATE MAN!
And remember, the person who
submits the best picture will win a copy of These Odd Morsels; the very first edition, provable by the print
date in the back.
Lastly, for those of you who like
to stir up trouble I have a job for you.
Contact your local booksellers and demand that they stock their shelves
with fine Tom Landaluce written goodies.
Make a nuisance of yourself, you know you want to. Boise
area troublemakers, I provide you with this list to get started. Feel free to add other locations. For those of you outside of Boise but still up for a bit of mischief, check the listings for your area (though you can call Boise stores as well if you want to).
Rediscovered Books - (208) 376-4229
Barnes and Noble - 375-4454
Trip Taylor Bookseller - 344-3311
Hyde Park Books - 429-8220
Hastings - 375-3151
And let's not forget about the Library! Tell them that you heard about this book (or books) by a local author and you were wondering if they had it (or them) and if not, would they please, please purchase it (or them). Be sure to provide the title (or titles) and my name. If you are one of those really helpful sorts, you could even pass along ISBN numbers (9781477626023, 9781482087291, and 9781482619539). Just remember, be nice to these people, they work hard and they let me borrow audio books all the time.
And let's not forget about the Library! Tell them that you heard about this book (or books) by a local author and you were wondering if they had it (or them) and if not, would they please, please purchase it (or them). Be sure to provide the title (or titles) and my name. If you are one of those really helpful sorts, you could even pass along ISBN numbers (9781477626023, 9781482087291, and 9781482619539). Just remember, be nice to these people, they work hard and they let me borrow audio books all the time.
Main Library! - (208) 384-4076
Library! at Cole & Ustick - (208) 570-6900
Library! at Collister - (208) 562-4995
Library! at Hillcrest - (208) 562-4996
Let me know how your efforts are
progressing. If you get some
entertaining feedback I will share it on this blog.
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Book Two Photo Challenge
Book Two of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man is available in print form (here https://www.createspace.com/4148636 to precise) and, like Book One (here https://www.createspace.com/3903289 if you somehow don't own a copy yet), I will be posting Satisfied Customer photos of those fortunate enough to own either of these (though both is best) books.
This time, I am issuing a challenge. Produce something incredible, a picture worth a thousand words, and to the most worthy image goes an unbelievably wonderful prize. Be creative. Everything will be taken into account. Unusual or apt settings, implausible poses or extreme circumstance (though I will not be held responsible for injuries obtained during attempts of corporate intensity), well composed and lit, or just out and out strange. The only real requirement is that the Corporate Man book (One or Two or both) must appear in the photo. No Photoshop please. Unless its really cool Photoshop. An automatic win of a secondary prize for anyone sneaking a copy of Corporate Man onto the floor of the New York Stock Exchange and capturing an pic.
Below are a couple of the more impressive photos from Book One.
First Prize: A copy of THESE ODD MORSELS. My forthcoming book of short stories.
Special NYSE Prize: Shhh. It's a surprise.
E-mail corporatesuperhero@gmail.com to submit or to inquire for further details.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Satisfied Customers 16
Do you have business venture that
might seem a bit unmarketable? Odd
even? Something that someone somewhere might
dare to dub… insane? Then you need to
buy The Tragic Death of Corporate Man and your problems will be solved. Take this Satisfied Customer for instance…
She had a dream. A dream of hybridization and genetic
modification. A human vegetable. Man fruit.
She was laughed out of the offices of all the big Ag companies for her
cavalier notions of how far our DNA tamperings could go. But it’s she who’s laughing now.
And what was this crazy idea? What scared those distorters of nature so
much that even they in their corporate-god-complex balked?
Belly squash.
This woman, this mad genius,
developed a method by which she could plant a seed within the navel of man,
usually a squash or melon of some sort, and, through careful destruction of his
genetics on a cellular level, force the growth of delicious produce. Of course, this left her with a marketing
nightmare. Not only are impregnated
males of any kind a hard sell to the general public, but the mental capacities
of these human gardens are left quite barren.
She overcame these hurdles though
and became the sole owner of first commodity able to label itself as a meat and
a vegetable. She targeted rich
epicureans with a taste for impossible to find delicacies, and she became rich
beyond all her wildest dreams. All
thanks to the lessons she discovered within the pages of The Tragic Death of
Corporate Man. Oh, and she
developed a little side business as well.
Remember those men whose minds ended up a toxic wasteland? Well it turns out that they are an extremely
giddy lot, and they have proven a pleasure at social functions and corporate
retreats; their presence commanding very high sums. Though their sense of personal space leaves
much to be desired.
Don't be the last one in your petri dish to own the all new
Book Two of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man. Follow this link https://www.createspace.com/4148636 and purchase as many copies as you're able. It's for a good cause.
Don't be the last one in your petri dish to own the all new
Book Two of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man. Follow this link https://www.createspace.com/4148636 and purchase as many copies as you're able. It's for a good cause.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Satisfied Customers 15
Not all Satisfied Customers wind
up rich beyond their wildest imaginations.
Some find that they are so taken with The Tragic Death of Corporate Man
that they want to experience it on a daily basis. Take this man for instance. After reading the book he decided that
something so great should not have so many typos and grammatical errors. So he became an official Corporate Man
proofreader. This man goes though each
and every copy inspecting them for quality and accuracy. He was unaware that the book’s supposed
errors were actually coded messages and an entire print run had to be scrapped
after he made corrections. Don’t worry
though. He wasn’t fired. The staff felt bad since he’d completely
missed the whole secret message boat. So
they showed him how to crack the code and every copy of The Tragic Death of
Corporate Man has been perfect ever since.
Don't be the last one on your block to own the all new
Book Two of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man. Follow this link https://www.createspace.com/4148636 and purchase as many copies as you're able. It's for a good cause.
Don't be the last one on your block to own the all new
Book Two of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man. Follow this link https://www.createspace.com/4148636 and purchase as many copies as you're able. It's for a good cause.
Friday, March 8, 2013
Satisfied Customers 14
Our
final Satisfied Customer for our call-center-focused week is very special
indeed. She, like our hero Corporate Man and his associates Business Woman,
Senior Executive, and the rest, is a card-carrying union member. She is (just
check out the official jacket) a Teamster. Now, we don't know what you've
heard, but we still sense a negative undertone from the Teamster name. We don't
believe any of the wild rumors ourselves, but sometimes it's better to be safe
than sorry so we've asked this operator to close her eyes to protect her
identity. Technically, reading non-company approved literature while on the job
is against union bylaws (at least we’re pretty sure) so we better not allude to
that fact or insinuate that she was doing so, even though we've gone to great
lengths to protect her identity. But I don't think the Teamsters would mind.
Corporate man is a part of the Union after all and he fights for, among many other things,
workers rights. So seriously, it's okay. We're on the same side. Whatever
happened with Jimmy, we don't care.
Sorry,
where were we? Oh yeah, Cherie. I mean, this completely anonymous call-center
operator. Somehow she got rich, and somehow it was because of the Corporate Man book. And it definitely was not because
she defied the Union or anything like that.
Don't be the last one in your cube-area to own the all new
Book Two of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man. Follow this link https://www.createspace.com/4148636 and purchase as many copies as you're able. It's for a good cause.
Don't be the last one in your cube-area to own the all new
Book Two of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man. Follow this link https://www.createspace.com/4148636 and purchase as many copies as you're able. It's for a good cause.
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