Chapter 147

5.v.

If little is known about the thirteenth floor of the Jacob Center Tower then it can be said that next to nothing is known about the third level of the thirteenth floor.  Only one person has ever managed to leave the third level of the thirteenth floor alive, but no one would dare ask him about it.

He wears a cape after all.

The only evidence of its existence is an expense report, hidden in some dusty file cabinet deep in the bowels of the building that reads like a numerical typo.  Why on earth did the third level of the thirteenth floor cost so much to build? 

What was in there?

Chapter 146

5.u.

“No!” Corporate Man screamed, leaping into the room.  Supply caught him by the necktie and pulled him back up as more sharks poured in from the conference room. 

They fed in a primal frenzy.

The sounds of water churning and hulking fish slapping against each other as they slammed against the office walls went on for long horrible minutes.  A bloody foam lay on the surface of the water and continued to rise, filling the room, subsiding once it reached the ceiling.

The Union stood around the hole in the floor, gaping at the pool of recent violence; shocked and unmoving.

No one spoke.

A dark form burst up through the water and launched into the room.  It slapped against the floor and rolled onto its back, gasping and flailing, breaths only coming in hoarse gasps.

“Oh my god,” Business Woman called out.  “He’s alive!”

They rushed to Fair Wage’s side and examined him for bites and other wounds.  His hands bled, scraped raw on sharkskin, and his forehead had a split over his left eyebrow where he’d been slammed against something unyielding during the initial collision.

“How…  How?” asked Senior Executive.

Fair Wage smiled. “I don’t fear inflation.  It barely affects me.”

“But… all that blood,” Supply said.

Fair Wage opened his hand revealing a crystal clear debit card.  He said, “It’s a diamond card.  My purchasing power is quite formidable and that shark’s belly was quite soft.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Professor Inflation said, his voice booming and theatrical, “as I devalue each and every one of you.”

Chapter 145

5.t.

“I know a way,” said Supply.  She looked a Demand.  “Do you think you’re strong enough?”

“I have to be,” he said.

Supply grabbed Demand’s hands and said, “Business Woman.  You look after him, okay?  Don’t let him wash away in this mess.”

There was a sound, like computerized jingle-bells echoing across the voids of space.  And Supply started growing.  Seven feet.  Then fifteen feet tall.  As she grew, Demand shriveled and shrank.  Four feet, two feet, then six inches short. Business Woman snatched him out of the air before he fell.

Supply’s back pressed against the ceiling.  She grunted and strained.  Her legs crushed Union members against the side walls.

The shark’s head burst through the doorway.  Its teeth gnashed against Senior Executive’s shoulders, ripping the fabric of his suit jacket, but finding no purchase.

Supply yelled and elbowed the ceiling until it cracked.  She hit it again and a large section broke free leaving a gaping hole.  She pulled herself up through the opening.  Corporate Man joined her, dropping down from somewhere; necktie cape flapping over his shoulder.

“Quick.  Let’s get everyone up here!” he shouted.

Supply reached down and pulled up Business Woman, then Senior Executive.

“Hurry.  Hurry!  That thing’s almost through,” Franklin Buck cried out.

One of the Great White’s pectoral fins stabbed around the mangled metal door.  The huge fish writhed and twisted and it tried to swim through the opening; its mouth of razors snapping and biting.

Supply lifted Franklin Buck through the hole and reached down for Fair Wage.  The door gave way dumping the shark into the small space and right on top of their elderly companion.  The room became a blender of thrashing, biting, frothing chaos.  Flailing arms clawed desperately beneath the overpowering bulk of the huge fish.  The shark’s tail whipped back and forth through the water as it gnashed greedily.

Then the water turned red.

Chapter 144

5.s.

“The water’s stopped,” said Demand.

“Great.  So we’re trapped.  Up to our necks in water.  With sharks just outside,” said Franklin Buck.

Business Woman leaned toward Supply and said, “How are your doing?”

“Better.  It always takes it out of one of us when were have to transfer power like that.”

There was a deep ka-chunk sound and everybody froze, their breaths held.

The water started draining from the room.

“Oh thank god,” said Franklin Buck.

“No.  This can’t be good,” said Corporate Man.

 In moments the room was empty. Only a film of water remained.  It coated everything neck-high and lower.

“Well, I don’t care,” said Franklin Buck.  “It’s huge relief.”

The metal door groaned as if in answer to his statement.  The wall creaked under the tremendous pressure from the ever increasing volumes of water out in the conference hall.  A hinge buckled and fine spray erupted from a small gap.

“Are you kidding me?” said Business Woman.

Something large thudded against the door.  Another gap opened along the seam and more water hissed into the room. 

Then it hit again.

And again.

“It’s the Great White,” said Fair Wage.

“We gotta get outta here,” Franklin Buck yelled, almost shrieking.

“Calm down,” said Corporate Man.

“Easy for you to say with that special necktie you got.”

“Think, people,” said Corporate Man.  “How can we fight inflation?  Senior Executive and I have moved all our assets into safer commodities investments.  We’ve got–” 

The shark hit the door again, bending in the upper corner.  Water gushed into the room and a flash of triangular teeth snapped repeatedly on the other side.

Chapter 143

5.r.

Professor Inflation stood in front of a full length mirror admiring the way his cape fluttered when he twirled.  A tinkling chime sounded from the desk computer and a pleasant voice intoned, “The Union has escaped the sharks.”

Professor Inflation didn’t seem to notice the voice and continued to appreciate his image in the mirror, cocking his head first this way then that, puffing out his chest, arching his back slightly, and flexing his butt muscles.  Then he sauntered over to the computer, his attention lingering on the mirror a moment longer, even as he walked away.

“Looks like it’s almost time,” he said, pulling up a video display with a few nimble keystrokes.  On the screen Corporate Man and the rest of the Union were nearly neck deep in the water of the little room.

“Hmm…  It’s interesting, but it lacks drama now that the sharks are no longer a factor.  Run market scenario number six and alert me when the fun starts.”

He trotted back to the mirror and whirled his cape across his body and up in front of his face.  Then he snapped it to his side like a matador.  He curled his lip into a snarl. 

No.  Too much. 

He tried a sly grin. 

Almost. 

He added a slow wink.

Perfect.

Chapter 142

5.q.

“What’s this?  A conference room?” asked Senior Executive.

“I think it’s a convention hall,” said Business Woman. 

By this point the water was almost to their knees.  Progress across the convention room floor was hindered by the necessary exaggeration of their steps and the weak, almost limp form of Supply who was dangling on the shoulders of Senior Executive and Corporate Man.

A chorus of snapping supports and falling metal grates sounded throughout the grand hall, dropping dozens of sharks in the ever deepening water.  Makos and bullsharks and hammerheads and tigers and white-tips slapped hard into the shallows all around them.  The big fish seemed dazed after the long fall, but quickly regained their predatory focus and cut through the water in stuttering, wriggling spurts.  Some of the smaller sharks were almost fully submerged with only their upper back and dorsal fins jutting above the surface.

The sharks made darting runs at the splashing, frantic humans but arched away from the thrashing, stomping legs and feet when they were within a few yards.

A door to the Union’s rear exploded from its hinges as the Great White crashed into the conference hall amongst splinters of inexpensive hollow core paneling. The water was thigh-deep now and three quarters of the massive shark was beneath the surface.  Sheets of water sheered up and over its sleek back as it barreled toward them.

“Move!  Move!  Move!” Business Woman cried out.

The Great White slammed into a circling blue shark, knocking the smaller fish out of the water.  It flailed helplessly through the air then splashed down with a frantic slap. The Great White snapped at an approaching reef shark and then careened toward a hammerhead and bit down on the unwary fish’s tail.  Blood spurt from the hammerhead’s thrashing body and the water became a boiling froth of scarlet and panic.

“Blood in the water!” Franklin Buck screamed.  He tried to quicken his pace but the water was up to his waist and he couldn’t move any faster.  “Swim for it!”

He dove forward, kicking and stroking the water; fervent and mad.  Most of the sharks were busy feasting on chunks of the destroyed hammerhead, but the sudden thrashing from Franklin Buck drew their attention.  Corporate Man and Business Woman yelled for Franklin to calm himself; to stop. 

He didn’t hear them.

A mako shark cruised through the water, its movements agitated and quick.  Hungry.  It sped toward Franklin Buick and snapped.  The bite was exploratory and tentative but on the mark, ripping away a large swath of green jacket fabric and scratching a line of shallow cuts in Franklin’s side.

He screamed and flailed.  The fish circled around for another run and then shot through the water toward The Dollar Man. 

Fair Wage dove between the shark and his colleague, patting the water and humming a low warbling sound.  The shark flinched and lurched toward Fair Wage.  The old man pivoted and chopped at the water as the fish went streaking by, his hand clipping the shark’s sensitive nose.

“Get everyone to the door,” Fair Wage said.

“What about you?” asked Senior Executive.

“I can handle whatever Professor Inflation sends our way,” he said pulling a hank of his wet silvery hair from his forehead and then elbowing an aggressive bull shark.

The water in the conference hall was chest deep when the team arrived at the large metal door.  They pried it open.  The water level on the other side was higher and gushed out, nearly washing them back into open water.

“Hurry!  Close the door!” Franklin Buck shouted as they fought their way into the little room.

“Fair Wage is still out there,” said Business Woman.

“He’s as good as–” but Franklin Buck did not finish.  His eyes widened with terror as the great white shark barreled toward the door, cutting through the water like a u-boat.  Riding on top was a man in a brown suit.  When the big fish was a few feet from the entrance Fair Wage reached down and poked the shark in the eye.  The fish jerked to side, angling away and back out into the conference room.  Fair Wage leapt from its back and in through the door.

Corporate Man and Senior Executive muscled the door closed.

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Chapter 141

5.p.

“Down here!” Fair Wage called out.  He was standing near an open door in the blue-lined hallway.  Inside was a stairwell illuminated by a harsh amber light which stabbed out into the cool, twilight tones of the corridor.  “Oh crap.  I hear something.”

Fair Wage jumped back and closed the stairway door.  Supply rushed forward yelling, “No.  It’s him.  It’s him.”

She pulled the door open and went to the edge of the landing.

“Supply?  Is that you?” Demand said.

“Yes.  I’m here,” she said.  Corporate Man and Senior Executive brought Demand up to the landing where Supply hugged him to her chest.  Instead of wincing at the pressure to his injuries, he stood taller.  He seemed strengthened.  His wounds stopped bleeding.  Supply gasped for breath when they parted.

“Where are we?” asked Senior Executive.

“We’re still on the thirteenth floor,” said Supply, still trying to catch her breath.  “A secondary level though.”

“Any hostiles?” Corporate Man asked.

“None so far,” she said and slumped against Senior Executive.

“Just some creepy photographs,” said Franklin Buck.

There was a loud clanging slam as a steel panel fell from the wall, swung against the down stairwell, and sealed it shut.  A chorus of similar sounds echoed throughout the floor.

“That can’t be good,” said Franklin Buck.

Corporate Man gathered everyone together, advised them all to stay close to avoid getting separated, and moved them down the hallway through the dim, bluish light.

They’d walked for what felt like hours and though the immediate danger seemed a distant memory, somehow the atmosphere of the place had grown more ominous.  They searched various offices, a couple cleaning closets, a break room, and some bathrooms, but found nothing. 

Fair Wage was getting tired.  His aged body was under much strain.  When they found themselves in another break room he marched to the water cooler and said, “I don’t care what they charge me, I need water.”

He filled a small cup and drank deep.

“Oh god.  It’s salty.”

The water cooler gurgled and sputtered then started to shake.

“Everyone get back,” said Business Woman, herding them to the far side of the break room.

The water cooler burst, spouting up like a geyser, boiling against the ceiling, and drenching the room.  Similar explosions could be heard throughout the floor.

The Union fled the break room, but found the hallway equally discomforting.  Water streamed from huge metal grates in the ceiling.  A deep, meaty slapping sound pounded against the grates and the entire floor shuddered.  Then the bolts securing the grates to the ceiling gave way and the whole thing crashed to the floor, pinned beneath the bulk of a large, agitated shark.

“Oh shit,” said Business Woman.

“Is that a Great White?” asked Franklin Buck as the shark flopped and writhed in the six inches of water that had accumulated on the on the hallway floor.

“No,” said Fair Wage as he and the rest of the Union ran in a general “away” direction.  “That’s a grey reef shark.”

Another loud snap and thunderous clang brought down a second ceiling grate and an even larger shark.

“That one’s a Great White,” Fair Wage said.

The water was nearly a foot deep and the grey reef shark behind them skittered and floundered over the carpeted floor, making some progress in the Union’s direction.

“Through here,” said Corporate Man.  He opened the door to a small office.  They raced in, ran to a door on the far side of the room, charged through it, and found themselves in a large, open space with a tall ceiling.

Chapter 140

5.o.

 “He’s coming around,” said Business Woman.  “Demand?  We’ve got the bleeding stopped.  Do you think you can walk?”

“Supply.  Where’s Supply?”

Business Woman looked at the others.  Both Senior Executive and Corporate Man cringed.

“Uh.  Demand, old friend.  I don’t know how to tell you this, but… she’s gone,” said Corporate Man.

“Gone where?” Demand asked.

“No honey,” said Business Woman.  “She gone.  She’s dead.”

Demand looked puzzled and pointed to the ceiling.  “She’s up there.”

“I know.  I know,” said Business Woman, embracing him.  “She’s gone to Jesus.”

“No,” said Demand.  “She’s right above us.  I can feel her.”

Business Woman pushed away.  “What?”

“Yeah.  Now she’s over that way,” he said, pointing to a different section of the ceiling.

Business Woman grabbed the Jack head and yelled, “I thought you said they were dead.”

“Not at all,” said Jack.  “I merely stated that I could no longer read their vital signs.  Passage to an upper level would account for that.  They’d no longer be within my scanning range.”

“You piece of shit,” Business Woman said, raising the Jack head, ready to smash it against the floor.

“Wait,” said Corporate Man.  “Jack.  How go we get up to next level?”

“Easy.  Take the stairs.”

“Will you lead us to the stairs?”

“Of course.”

Corporate Comic Book #2

Coming Soon... Corporate Sharks!

Chapter 139

5.n.

The walls were white with a horizontal stripe of deep blue, the width of a yard stick, set at eye level.  The light seemed dim.  Almost like twilight.  Framed photographs of colorful fish schooling around coral reefs hung at measured intervals within the wall’s blue line. 

There was something ominous about the seemingly cheerful pictures and after a moment, Franklin Buck saw it.  The background in all the photos was the deep, open ocean.  Barely visible in the gloom was an ocean predator.  A barracuda or stingray.  Most were sharks, lurking at the edges of visible space, ready to attack the unprepared.

“I don’t like this floor,” said Franklin Buck.  “We should go back.”

“You prefer the killer robots then?” asked Fair Wage.

“No, but we should get out of here anyway.”

“We will,” said Supply.  “As soon as we find another staircase.”

Satisfied Customers 7

The Tragic Death of Corporate Man isn’t just for those seeking financial knowledge and vast wealth.  The genius of this book is that it can be enjoyed on a level of pure entertainment.  Take this teenage grandmother for instance.  She realized her fortune years ago, long before tales of Corporate Man reshaped the business world.  Her wealth exists due to the accidental alignment of specific events involving a careless marine biologist, stem cells, a DNA sequencer, a wikipedia entry about cloning, three separate drugs peaking simultaneously in four scientific minds, the recent loss of a dear cat friend, and a VHS of Jurassic park shelved next to a copy of Jaws. 

It was teenage grandma who had the vision.  It was she who felt the feline absence when she sat down.  And so the cuddly Lap Shark was born.  Well… created anyway.  Of course fortune and the fleeting fame of any fad soon followed and teenage grandma never had to work again.  These days she likes to kick back, relax into the pages of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man, and gently stroke her carcharodon carcharias minituras.

Chapter 138

5.m.

Demand could barely stand upright.  He’d fought off two more waves of Betty/Jacks and suffered a dozen shallow cuts as well as something much deeper between the ribs on his left side.  He lumbered down the hallway, hand clasped dangerously close to his heart.  Blood seeped between his fingers.

He opened the door to an office and sat at a desk.  A weary sigh escaped his lips.  He hoped his lung wasn’t punctured.  He was sure he’d know it if his lung were punctured.

A Jack unit appeared in the doorway.  Its eyes went wide, its mouth opened, and it emitted a sound something like a modem scream crossed with a dentist drill.

Demand didn’t get up.  So what if they got to him now or in a few minutes?  He couldn’t last much longer.  Let it end.  But when two more Jacks and four Bettys crowded the doorway Demand sighed, pushed away from the desk, and stood ready.

The screaming Jack unit lifted its hand and pointed a sharpened finger toward Demand.  Behind it, two of the Betty units exploded in a mess of circuits, wires, and mechanical limbs.  Demand had just enough time to flinch and furrow his brow before another Betty and two Jacks met similar fates.

Corporate Man dropped into the room from a vague upward direction, his necktie trailing behind him.  Business Woman and Senior Executive charged through the door and dismantled the remaining robots.

Demand smiled.  Then he slumped over the desk, bleeding, and lost consciousness.

Chapter 137

5.l.

“Straight ahead, then left,” said the Jack head.  “This reunites you with two associates.  Sensors indicate that one will then remain.”

“Wait.  One?  What you mean?  There should be four more,” Business Woman said, shaking the robotic head as she ran.

“All other vital signs have terminated.  Motion sensors, respiratory patterns, heartbeats.  All negative,” said the Jack head.

Business Woman said nothing, but quickened her pace.  When she turned left she immediately leapt back, startled by Corporate Man and Senior Executive.  Both were crouched at the corner, positioned in economically feasible martial arts postures, ready to pounce.

“Jesus you two! Give a girl a heart attack.”

“Sorry.  We heard someone coming and prepared for the worst,” said Corporate Man.

“We’ve lost three,” said Business Woman.

“What?  Who?”

“Don’t know.  I rigged up this Jack unit and three life signs just blinked out.”

“Oh god,” said Senior Executive, shaking his head.

Corporate Man put a hand on each of their shoulders and said, “We’ll mourn later.  Right now we have to focus.  Keep our goals in sight and take action.  Can we use that thing to locate the other survivor?”

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Chapter 136

5.k.

 “I can feel him.  He’s on the other side of this wall,” Supply said.

“Who?  Corporate Man?” Franklin Buck asked.  The knot on his forehead was the size of a plum and would be a similar shade in a day or two.  If any of them lasted that long.

“No.  Demand.  He’s there,” she said, pointing to the wall.

“How do we get there?  The doors on that side lead to a small office, a janitor’s closet, and a stairwell,” said Fair Wage.

“Let’s take the stairs.  The hallway dead ends back there,” she said, gesturing toward the wall where she’d felt Demand.  “Maybe if we go up we can drop back down.”

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Chapter 135

5.j.

Business Woman held the head of a Jack unit in her hands, her fingers frantically adjusting the wires, pulling apart circuitry, and making a deliberate mess of the electronics inside the housing.  The head clicked and a whirring sound buzzed from somewhere within.

Then it yelped like an injured robot dog.

She adjusted more parts and the yelping ceased.

“Jack?” she said.  “Are you operational?”

“Negative,” said the Jack head.  Its lips did not move.  “I seem to have sustained negative body damage and cannot access my facial expressions matrix.”

“But you are able to answer my questions?”

“Yes.”

“Are you willing to answer all my questions?  Truthfully?  Disclosing even guarded company secrets?”

“All that I have access to,” said Jack.

“Good,” said Business Woman.  Use the competition’s assets against them.  Her favorite gambit.  “Jack.  Are you able to locate my business associates?”

“Yes.”

“Lead me to them.  And then I want you to lead us out of this place.”

“Can do,” said Jack.

“Are you able to shut down all the remaining Betty and Jack units?” asked Business Woman.

“Negative.  All units operate via master/slave circuits and must be disconnected individually or through the master control.”

“Great,” muttered Business Woman.  “Alright.  Let’s find the others.  Take me to Corporate Man.

Chapter 134

5.i.

Demand staggered through the endless corridors of the thirteenth floor office.  A Betty had raked her sharpened digits across his shoulder, gouging parallel wounds in his purple suit.  Blood blackened the fabric as it seeped through the fibers.  His mauve tie was cinched around his leg, closing a Jack-inflicted puncture in the side of his thigh.

He felt small.  Smaller then when they’d entered the Jacob Center Tower.  Small enough that his tailored clothes were hanging loose.  His breathing was labored and his fingers felt cold.

And he stumbled onward.

Chapter 133

5.h

Robotic employee parts covered the hallway floors.  Corporate Man and Senior Executive had gone through the swarm of Jacks and Bettys like weed-whackers through ornamental grass.

“It’s him.  I know it’s him,” said Corporate Man.  He dislodged the arms of a Jack unit then kicked it in the face, snapping its head around one hundred and eighty degrees.  “Professor Inflation.”

“Is your PDA getting a signal in here?” Senior Executive asked.

Corporate Man lifted the small electronic device from his jacket pocket and pressed some buttons.

“Yes.”

“Good.  Let me see it,” Senior Executive said, taking the PDA from Corporate Man.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m moving all my investments and the bulk of my savings accounts into precious metals and other commodities that still post gains during inflationary periods.  If we are going up against Professor Inflation, I need to make sure my portfolio is strong.”

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Chapter 132

5.g.

A swarm of sharpened Betty’s had separated the Union.  Supply was with Fair Wage and Franklin Buck.  The old man was holding up well, and kept most of the gouging attackers at bay.  Franklin Buck was practically useless; Supply expected to see a wet spot appear across the crotch of his pants at any moment.

She didn’t know where she was leading them or why they were following her.  All she knew was that she needed to find Demand.  Neither of them functioned well without the other.

A Betty and two Jacks burst out of an office door on their left.  Franklin Buck shrieked and man-slapped one of the Jacks which did little to deter the robot.  Supply grabbed the Betty unit’s wrists, charged toward the other Jack and impaled it on the Betty’s bladed fingers.  She head butted the other Jack, which hurt just as much as she thought it might, but her positioning had left her with no other available maneuver.  The Jack stumbled backward and Fair Wage permanently dismantled it. 

“Work a second job!  Sell your belongings!  Go back to school!  You won’t stop inflation!” the Betty screamed.  She fell silent when Franklin Buck stepped forward and head butted her.  A look of pride and accomplishment flashed across his face and for a moment he seemed confident and manly.  Then one of his eyelids twitched and a blank expression set in just before his knees buckled and he crumpled to the floor.

They dragged Franklin to the nearest water cooler and doused him until he came around.  One of the Jack heads lying nearby said, “Have to… Charge you zzbt that.”

“Where am I,” Franklin Buck asked as almost all victims of sudden unconsciousness do when they awaken.  His eyes lolled around and he said, “How much do you think I’m worth?”

“On your feet,” said Supply.

“Where are we going?  Not another business trip, I hope,” Franklin Buck said sputtering.  A massive flesh egg continued to grow on his forehead.

“We need to find Demand and the others,” she said and urged them forward.  Without Demand she was almost powerless.  Together they were an imposing economic force.

Chapter 131

5.f.

The thirteenth floor of the Jacob Center Tower was unique in that it had multiple levels yet still comprised only one unit of floor designation.  Corporate Man and his friendly little Union were currently experiencing great financial trouble on level C.  Two levels above them, on level A, was an office.  In that office was a person neither Betty nor Jack.  A person of flesh and blood and vast economic knowledge and disdain.

This person was Professor Inflation.

He sat at a console overflowing with buttons, toggles, levels, slides, roller balls, monitors, blinking things, numerical readouts, various printer feeds, and small speakers. 

He was grinning.

And he was wearing his cape.

Triggering fiscal death traps always seemed more appropriate when wearing a cape.