Corporate Man is called in to investigate reports of vile, unethical business practices at Great American Business Company. What he finds there just might destroy him (except we all know the ending to The Tragic Death of Corporate Man so it should be fairly obvious that it can't really destroy him, though it can come close).
Enslaved by the Bonus Whores is an all new Corporate Man Adventure Serial. Chapters will post every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Monday, June 10, 2013
“So what now?” Business Woman asked.
“Now? Nothing,” said John Q Public. “You’re free to go if you wish.”
“I feel dirty and useless,” she said. “And a little sick.”
“That’s business,” said General Apathy.
“Did we seriously just watch him die?” asked Franklin Buck.
“Yeah. And we didn’t do anything. We let it happen,” said Senior Executive.
“That’s usually how these things go,” said John Q Public.
No one said anything for a long while.
“Well now,” said General Apathy, breaking the silence. “This is getting morose. And boring. Let’s all remember, nothing personal in business.”
“Shut up asshole,” said Business Woman. She looked at John Q Public and said, “So how do we get out of here?”
“Oh. Well… I was sort of hoping you’d stay. I mean… Do you like this building? This office? Cause I’m giving it to you,” said John Q Public.
“Yeah. This black diamond room is actually an elevator that will take you anywhere in the building. And, up to now, I’ve pushed all the buttons. Except one. This one,” he said, striding over to a large, blinking, white button. “Go on. You push it.”
Business Woman looked at Senior Executive and Franklin Buck. Each of their faces a mirror of similar confusion.
“Up and out,” said John Q Public.
“Are you… What? Really?”
“No. Of course not,” John Q Public said, pressing the white button. All the walls on the black diamond office went clear. “Fantasy. You see? All that goody good be good crap will never get you a chocolate factory. Only in books and musicals.”
“You know,” Business Woman said. “People may not give a crap about helping others, but stunts like that will piss them off and then you’ll get a reaction.”
“A reaction? What? Like a revolution?” John Q Public asked. “This is a generation of sugar fattened pussies who we’ve retarded with mass media. No, I’m afraid it will take decades of living like paupers to affect any kid of change.”
John Q Public stroked his luscious moustache with his gloved hand. Then the Big Bossman turned and strode through a side door, out of the conference room.
“Wait. What about him?” Business Woman asked.
“You mean his body? My minions will attend to it,” said John Q Public. He stood in the doorway for a moment and then said, “Listen. You’re all free to work for me. I have high level positions that would benefit from your particular skills.”
“I accept. I don’t care what the job is,” Roger said.
“Not you, you’re due back at the help desk in the morning. Business Woman, Senior Executive, Franklin Buck the One Hundred Dollar
Man. Regardless of your decision, you are free to
go and my building will remain open to you.
If you choose to decline my offer and start a competing enterprise, you
have my blessings. I’ll even invest if
you wish. There’s no need to decide
yet. Confer amongst yourselves and get
back to me.”
John Q Public nodded and left them to their decision.