Corporate Man is called in to investigate reports of vile, unethical business practices at Great American Business Company. What he finds there just might destroy him (except we all know the ending to The Tragic Death of Corporate Man so it should be fairly obvious that it can't really destroy him, though it can come close).

Enslaved by the Bonus Whores is an all new Corporate Man Adventure Serial. Chapters will post every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

After nearly a decade of imprisonment, Corporate Man returns to find the economy in ruins and his deadliest enemies in control of all but a fraction of society's wealth. He embarks upon a quest to set right the wrongs of the business world; a task that will ultimately destroy him.

Friday, August 29, 2014

Addendum 9

            Corporate Man knocked on the door to the bosslady’s office.  It was already open, but he always gave a courtesy knock.  She looked up, her grim, sallow expression morphing into a something not quite pleasant but far more amiable.
            “Yes, Donald,” she said.
            “Told you so,” Corporate Man said and smiled.
            “Told me so what?”
            “That it was too late to affect this check.”
            “What do you mean?”
             “You said there would be something on this paycheck relating to my newly acquired bonus.”
            She took a moment to look perplexed, almost pained.  “Are you sure?”
            “Yep.  Nothing,” Corporate Man said, gesturing toward his pay-stub.”
            “And there was nothing else in the envelope?”
            Corporate Man tipped the enveloped upside down, stuffed a few fingers inside, and flared them wide.  A sift of white paper-dust drifted over his hand, but nothing of monetary value fell out.  The bosslady held her practiced expression and then shrugged. 
            “I’ll check with payroll,” she said.
            “No need to bother.  I was just having a little fun.”
            “Oh? Oh!” she feigned surprise, and the laugh that followed was not a comfortable thing.  The feeling that that sound inspired in all those who heard it was something akin to placing a well traveled quarter on one’s tongue.  “Funny stuff.  Well then, back to work.”
            Corporate Man walked back to his desk.  Apparently efforts to employ humor as method to gain further information about the bonus would not work with this one.  He sat at his desk, intending to fire off a couple of e-mails, but when he reached for his mouse, a strange tingling sensation skittered down his fingers. He balled his hand into a fist and the flexed his fingers.  His whole hand when numb.  He shook it.  Pins and needles raced up his forearm. 
            Corporate Man gripped his elbow as if he could stop the sensation from making its way up into his shoulder.  Prickly pain flared at the area of contact and Corporate Man sucked air through his teeth.
            And then it was gone.
            He flexed the fingers again.  All seemed fine.  So he took a couple of deep breaths, reached for his mouse, but did not open up an e-mail window.  There was a new icon on his desktop. 
            Managerial Bonus Program.
            His whole body ignited.  His pulse quickened.  He licked his lips.  And he clicked on the icon.
            He read through the document and scanned the attached spreadsheets.  The hairs on his neck prickled.  This was insane.  There was no way this kind of bonus program could be healthy for a company.  It would be far too easy for employees to fall victim to The Greed with incentives such as these.  He ran some numbers in his head and calculated the increases that the elimination of Gladys’s hours would yield.  It was staggering.
            Corporate Man pulled up a spreadsheet listing the allotted hours for his department.  Were there other positions he could dispense with?  He considered some methods that could be employed.  Things that might urge an employee or two to transfer to another department.
            He blinked, a little shocked at the line of thinking.  It was so insensitive, so heartless.  It sickened him.  But he felt compelled to continue along this selfish path.  For research purposes only, of course.  He needed to discover the possible moves his opponents would make, and to do that he’d need to think like them.  Also, there was this crazy competitive urge to dream up the most effective plans, the most underhanded schemes.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Addendum 8

            “Hello and thanks for calling.  No one can come to the phone right now, so please wait for the tone.  Then leave your name, phone number and message.  Deet-do-deet-do-deet.”
            “Made huge progress today,” Corporate Man said.  “They’re approving me for the managerial bonus program.  I don’t have any additional information on that, but I’m pretty sure it’s the root of what’s gone wrong at Great American Business Company.  I had some face time with the bosslady today and I gleaned a bit of information from her while we were talking.  I could’ve sensed more if I’d managed physical contact, but her lust for this bonus that she’s so eager to dangle in front of me is off the chart.  I had no problem picking up the broad strokes of it.  She’s raking in at least fifteen percent of her wage from these bonuses.  There’s potential for an even twenty-five percent if she cuts the departments staffing enough.  Anyway, now that I’m part of the program I should be getting the details soon.  You know, if I can keep this pace up, I’ll be back at the Office by the end of next week.  If you get a chance to visit Junior, tell that I wish him well.”

Monday, August 25, 2014

Addendum 7

           “Take me through your week, Tess,” Corporate Man (aka Donald Jackson, also known as Corporate Man without the glasses) said.  She was the third employee that he’d sat with today and, like the others, he had his legal pad open, ready to jot down notes.  “Remember, you don’t know me.  In fact, when you talk to the others you should probably express suspicion in regards to my motives.  Gather info from the others and report back to that number I gave you.”
            “So the first thing I do when I get here everyday is…” Tess started in a normal, if slightly louder than usual, voice.  In between her audible-to-the-public sentences she whispered covertly to Corporate Man.  “There are two or three girls were can probably trust, but I haven’t told anyone what’s going on, and I don’t plan to.”
            “That’s good.  And this is the last time we should chance talking like this.  Any information you need to get to me can go through Miss Pension.”
            He spent another forty-five minutes at her desk and then moved on.  From what he could gather, there hadn’t been cuts, exactly.  No one had been laid off or fired.  But there hadn’t been any new positions created either.  With the amount of growth Great American Business Company had experienced in the last five years alone, he figured a minimum of three new positions should have been created in this office alone.
            That night he made the first of his nightly reports to Miss Pension.
            “I need you to arrange something for me,” he said.  “I want to see what happens when someone in the office leaves the company.  I want one of them offered a job that is too good to pass up.  A courier will have all the employee files to you in the morning.  Use them to make a selection.”
            “Shouldn’t be a problem,” Miss Pension said.  “Tess reported in.  Seems like your cubicle visits panicked some and excited others.”
            “That was the intention.”
            “I’ll focus on the panicky ones.  Should be simple to get one of them to abandon ship.”
            Two days later Tess reported that Gladys had stumbled upon a job listing and was tidying up her resume.  The following Monday Gladys announced that she was taking a position with another company.  There were tears and heartfelt moments. 
And cake.  These things always required cake. 
            Thursday morning Donald Jackson received an e-mail from the bosslady.  Subject Line: My Office ASAP.  There was no text in the body of the e-mail.
            Corporate Man smiled.  He sauntered out of his office and walked over to hers ten minutes later.
            “You wanted to see me,” he said poking his head in the office door.
            “Yes, Donald.  I wanted to discuss the Gladys situation with you.”
            Corporate Man sat down.  Other than her desk, a file cabinet, and a couple of chairs, there wasn’t much in there.  No framed photos of tropical locales, no family portraits, no office plant.  There was a door on the back wall.  A closet?  No, probably a private bathroom. 
            “Right.  A shame really.  She was a real asset to the team.  It will be difficult to replace her,” Corporate Man said.
            The bosslady grinned and said, “I agree.  In fact, we probably shouldn’t even try.”
            Corporate Man shrugged and said, “She was kind enough to give us three weeks.  If we hire from within it shouldn’t be a problem.  If we go outside the company, I think we can still manage our workload while we bring the new person up to speed.”
            “Oh?  You think we might be able to… redistribute her work around while find the right person?”
            “Sure.  Not an issue.”
            “How long do you think they could manage?”
            “Well, I’m new here, but I’ve been around the block a few times,” Corporate Man said.  He paused for a moment, and then continued, “If we work these people to capacity, I don’t see why they couldn’t manage indefinitely.”
            There was a flash in the bosslady’s eyes and the grin became a predatory smile.  She blinked a few times and the spark was gone.  After a few steady breaths she said, “Tomorrow’s payday.”
            Corporate Man made no response to this non sequitur.  He knew she was leading into something and so would a man like Donald Jackson.  So he let her come to it in her own time.
            “When you interviewed, when you were hired, were you made aware of the bonus structure?” she finally said.
            Corporate Man nodded his head nonchalantly.  “I was.  Nothing too specific, but I’m familiar with the concept.”
            “Company policy states that you won’t be eligible for bonuses until after a probationary period of three to six months.  The time frame to be determined by upper executives.”
            “I’m fairly confident that I’ll be earning bonuses after three months.”
            “And I would tell you that you are wrong in your assumption,” she said, that gleam returning to her eyes.  Again, Corporate Man made no reply.  “Your recommendation in the Gladys matter will put you in the bonus category far sooner than you think.”
            “And how soon will that be?”
            “How about tomorrow’s paycheck?”
            “Impossible.  Those checks have already run.”
            “Yes.  Technically, you won’t see anything official on your pay stub until the next cycle.  But there will be something on your paycheck tomorrow, I can assure you.”

Friday, August 22, 2014

Addendum 6

            The bosslady was smiling.  Not that forced smile she usually used on her subordinates, but one of genuine pleasure.  She loved doing this.  She loved serving them what was basically a shit sandwich and presenting it as though she was doing them a favor.
            She gathered them in her office to introduce their new supervisor.  A man who would probably eliminate the positions of more than a few of them.
            “Everyone.  I’m very excited to introduce you to your new supervisor, Donald Jackson,” she said.  Then she clapped and encouraged applause from the vermin as well.  When they reluctantly joined her she cut back in.  “He’s going to do great things here at Good American Business Company.  We’re growing and he’s just the man to get us through the coming transition from a small regional business to a national corporation.”
            She instigated more applause and then said, “Donald?”
            Donald Jackson cleared his throat, huge white-toothed grin on his face, and said, “What a great place.  Just awesome.  It really feels like a family here.  Everyone seems to care about everyone.  And that’s the most important thing, I think.  That’s what I want to preserve as we grow and that’s part of what I’ve been hired to do.  The other part of my job is to take advantage of growth opportunities and take this place national.  We’ve got a chance to crush it, people.  And I think we can.  No.  I’m confident… that we will.”
            The bosslady led the claps again.
            “I hope you’ll bear with me in the coming weeks as I settle in.  I’m going to sit with each of you so I can see what it is you do and, together, we’ll look for ways you can do it better.  I’m really excited.  I hope you are too.”
            Inside, the bosslady was giddy.  Her rats, these vermin, these absolute parasites were eating it up.  They were eating up the shit Donald was shoveling.  All but a few at least.  She glanced around and took note of the lowlife workers who were smiling, but not with their eyes.  They were the ones she’d set Mr. Jackson on first.
            “Alright,” she said.  “Meeting over.  Feel free to visit with Donald for few minutes and then get back to your stations.  If you need me, I’ll be in my office.  I’ve got a lot of work to do, but as you know, my door is always open.”
            She loved saying that.  The open door thing.  She made it a habit to close her door frequently to confuse them.
            When she got back to her desk there was an e-mail waiting for her.  The subject line read: re: Employee Diaper Proposal.

            The body of the e-mail had a two line response: Sounds great.  Double check the numbers and submit them for final approval.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Addendum 5

            A quick report with basic facts concerning The Union and The Office.
            Corporate Man belonged to a group of economically themed superheroes called: The Union.  Members have included such names as Business Woman, Junior Executive, The Dollar Man, Miss Pension, the twins Supply and Demand, John Q Public, Captain Credit, Donkey, and The Elephant.  Each member had his or her own unique business related talent. The purpose of the group was to identify dangers to the economy and combat fiscal irresponsibility wherever it appeared.
            The group fought against the likes of The Greed, Professor Inflation, Deal Breaker Dan, Mr. Outsource, The Crash, and many others.
            They eventually established a secret mountain base called The Office.  It was a refuge away from the city where they could meet, make plans, rest, balance their books, and hold office parties.

            To this day, members remain tight lipped about what really happened with the copy machine.

Monday, August 18, 2014

Addendum 4

“Thank you for the cover ID, Miss Pension.”
“Not a problem, Corporate Man.  That Donald Jackson person you had me cook up is a real piece of work.”
“He had to be or they wouldn’t have noticed my resume.”
“I suppose.  Half of his financial credits are for companies he bankrupted and the other half for corporate giants who laid off half their workforce during their most profitable years.  It’s sick, if you ask me.  And if what you suspect is true… I mean, it sounds like The Greed all over again.”
“I’m not so sure,” Corporate Man said.  He set a file folder in a black briefcase and snapped the hasps closed.  Then he walked over to the Coffee Maker in The Breakroom at The Office (the secret mountain base of The Union) and poured himself a cup of efficient black.  “This is something new.  Something a little different.”
“What’s the name of this place you’ll be working?”
“Great American Business Company.”
“Never heard of them,” Miss Pension said.  She picked at her lunch.  A battered paperback lie, unopened, beside her plate.
“Nationally, they’re invisible, but they’re number one in their region, and for all the right reasons.  But now…”
“The Greed.  Gotta be.  We’ve seen it before.”
Corporate Man shook his head and sat down at the small break room table.  He sipped his coffee.
“I don’t like it that you’re going in alone.”
“Can’t be helped.  Business Woman is working the international market.  John Q Public is still off grid after that business with The Crash.  Normally I’d send Junior in ahead of me but–”
“That matter with the Corporate Mind Hive.  Yes.  Junior Executive is still recovering.  I wish you’d wait for back up.”
“I don’t think we have time.  Something’s insinuated itself within the walls of Great American Business Company and, from what I gather, it’s spreading fast.”
“You’ll check in daily, yes?” Miss Pension said.

“You know I will.”

Friday, August 15, 2014

Addendum 3

            “Tess.  I need to see you in my office,” the bosslady said as she drifted by the cubicle of the hard working Miss Adams.  As usual, she did not dirty her eyes with an actual glance into the cubicle, suffering her peripherals the unwanted task of verifying whether or not Miss Adams was at her desk. 
            She was there, of course.  Where else would she be?  The bosslady had not given permission for, nor set a task that would require, her to leave the area.  Still, you couldn’t leave it chance.  These lowlifes were always trying to filch extra breaks.  Getting water to drink, going to the bathroom.  Doing it all on company time.  If the bosslady had it her way, all cubicles would be equipped with giant water bottles hooked over their carpeted walls with stainless steel nozzles jutting out from the bottom, located somewhere near the computer monitors so these vermin could rat-lick the tube without the need to saunter down the hall to the water cooler.  That damned water cooler where they chatted like hens, clucking about her and the rest of the executives.  Not that she cared if they talked about her.  She liked to think that their discussions revolved solely around her in fact.  It was just that they were stealing company money when they did it on the clock like that.  Giant hamster bottles would end that water cooler crap real quick.
            And each desk would come with a special chair.  A toilet seat.  Except the plumbing would be rather expensive.  A Port A Potty.  Yes, that was better.  That way they had no excuse to leave the desk unless they were on their unpaid lunch breaks.  Or diapers.  That might be more economical.  In a fiscal year, how many diapers could one of them go through?  What would the overall cost be in comparison to the initial investment of a Port A Potty?  She’d have to figure in the cost of service calls to empty the portable toilets.  If the first diaper was issued for free and all subsequent diapers had to be ordered from a company catalog…  That would create an entirely new revenue stream! 
            The bosslady sat at her desk and began typing up the diaper proposal.
            “You wanted to see me,” Tess said from the doorway.
            “Not now!” the bosslady shouted.  “I’m onto something!”
            Tess flinched and then slunk from the door.
            “Oh wait!” the bosslady called out.  She did not stop typing but multitasked her fingers and her mouth. “I do have something I need to discuss with you.  Please sit down.”
            Tess sat.  The bosslady typed.  Tess fidgeted.  The bosslady giggled, low and impish.  A few minutes later her fingers stopped moving and she looked up at Miss Adams.
            “Tess,” she said and paused for an uncomfortably long time.  “You’ve been with the company for a long while now.”
            “Seventeen years.”
            “Yes.  I haven’t been with the company as long as you have–”
            “Less than two years,” said Tess.
            “Right.  I know we like to hire from within and I know you really wanted the supervisor position, but sometimes another applicant comes along and we just can’t afford to pass on him or her.  Their talents are such that should we fail to add them to our team it could be detrimental in the long run.”
            Miss Adams lowered her head.  Good.  This was good.  The bosslady loved it when subordinates were subservient.

            “I know you’re disappointed, but this man, Donald Jackson, will be a pleasure to work for.  He’ll do good things at this company.  He’s just the sort of person this corporation needs.”

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Addendum 2

“I work for a relatively small company,” she said, “I’m currently in the accounting department of the home office, but I started out at the branch level.”
            “What’s your name?” he asked.
            “Oh, sorry, Corporate Man.  I’m Tess Adams.”
            “Call me Don, Miss Adams.  So this company you work for, is that why you’re here to see me?”
            “Is there some sort of trouble there?  Some fiscal misconduct?”
            “I’m not sure,” Tess said wiping tears from her eyes.  “I’ve been with the company a long time.  We started out very local and slowly expanded into a regional powerhouse.  That region is admittedly small, and our growth was always slow, but it was unshakably steady.  Recently though…”
            Corporate Man waited patiently for her to finish.
            “It’s just different now,” she said.
            “In what way?”
            “We’ve been getting a lot of new people.  Executives from competing businesses.  They don’t…  They don’t…  I know people say that when your company gets big things become more corporate, but why does that always seem like a justification for short sighted greed and callous behavior?  We lost our former CEO a few years ago.  You would have liked Jack.  He was the kind of guy who always knew everyone’s name.  If there was extra work to do, he’d be right in there with you. Getting his hands dirty in a manner of speaking.  The company picnics were huge, and fun, and made you feel… like coworkers instead of subordinates.  Like family.”
Corporate Man grabbed a juice from the fridge, unscrewed the cap, and passed it to Tess.  He sat down in chair by the desk, his cereal bowl left on the counter, unfinished.
“Jack earned a huge salary, but he was always generous with his money.  If he saw you out at a restaurant he paid your bill.  If he got wind that your had fallen on hard times, he’d cut you a personal check.”
“He does sound like that kind of man I would respect,” Corporate Man said.  “So once he left, I take it that’s when the company began to falter.” 
“I don’t know if the line was as fine as that,” Tess said.  “He was pretty old when he retired.  As our company grew our competitors shrank and people from their organization would apply for positions with us.  We hired from within when we could, but, as we grew, more and more corporate types wormed their way into our organization.  Jack got tired of fending them off I think.  He stepped down as CEO but stayed on with the company for a long time after that.  I think he was trying to keep his successor on the right path, so to say.  Anyway, we’ve continued to grow, but our work force seems to shrink.”
“Expand on that,” Corporate Man said.
“Well, a small branch office used to have a minimum of twenty-five employees.  They now run with about ten or eleven, eight if the manager’s a real ass.  The excuse is always that things are so much more automated these days that you don’t need as many people.  But that’s crap.  Branches typically have three or four times the number of accounts than they used to.  There is no less work now then before.  In fact, there is more to do than ever.”
Tess took a drink of her juice.  She was trembling. 
“So what happened?” Corporate Man asked.  “What changed?”
“Well that’s the problem.  No one wants to talk about it.  I mean, people talk, but that’s just speculation and grumbling.  It’s been happening at the head office since Jack left.  Slowly at first, but the same pattern.  I have a cousin that got fired a couple of years ago.  He was a branch manager when he got the ax and he said there was this new incentive program being rolled out.  It had something to do with trimming employee wages, thinning out the payroll.  I couldn’t get him to talk about it.  I don’t know if he actually understood it or if the whole situation just disgusted him so much.  He says they fired him because he wouldn’t get on board with the program.”
Corporate Man stood up, walked over to the counter, and took a bite of his Cap’Tal Gains.  The crunch was just as resolute as when he’d first poured milk into the bowl.  He slowly ground the cereal into swallowable bits.
            “I wish I could say I haven’t seen this kind of thing before,” Corporate Man said. “It’s all too common in the Corporate World.”
            He took a few more bites.  Tess sipped from the bottle of juice.

            “Miss Adams,” he said, “I need to get hired on at your company.  Are there any positions available at present?”

Monday, August 11, 2014

Addendum 1

Enslaved by the Bonus Whores:
A Corporate Man Adventure Serial

The events masterfully described in the following story are entirely fictitious and should in no way be attributed to, or suspected to be about, any person or persons living or dead.  Any resemblance to real life persons, places, or things should be considered entirely coincidental.  The following story concerns the events of an economically themed superhero.  That should have been your first clue as to the fictionality of its nature.  The use of the word fictionality should be further evidence of the madeupedness of the following.  However, if you should feel that your actions and or attitudes align with some of the more deplorable characters described in the following story, especially where business practices are concerned, perhaps it is time to reevaluate yourself and consider making a few changes.  Just what sort of horrible person are you anyway?

Addendum 1.

            He stumbled into his office that night, tired, and more than a little sore.  The case of the Corporate Mind Hive had ended badly and all he wanted was a hot meal and some sleep.  He would get neither. 
There was a woman at his desk, sitting in the dark, back-lit by the street lamp outside.  Her body silhouetted against the horizontal blinds, her hair an orange volcano pouring down her shoulders.
“This is a little cliché isn’t it?” he said, walking past the desk toward the small refrigerator in the corner.  There was no beer in the fridge.  There should be beer, he thought, if only to maintain the overused formula of this particular type of meeting.  But he didn’t like beer.  He was a juice man.  And besides, you weren’t supposed to drink at the office these days and he was always working.  He was the epitome of an office worker. 
The business executive.
The Corporate Man.
“Your secretary told me you needed a break from corporate intrigue and thought a little economic mystery might help,” she said.
He flipped on the lights.
“Well, it won’t,” he said lifting a carton of milk from the refrigerator.  “What I need is a break.  Period.  By law I am entitled to those.”
“Every couple of hours or so, I am told.”
Behind thick, black-rim glasses, his eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched.  He was on the verge of saying something, but after a long moment he simply turned, opened a cupboard door, fished out bowl, set it on the narrow counter of the impossibly small kitchenette, opened another cupboard door, and grabbed a box of cereal.  Cap’Tal Gains.  A high fiber, multigrain cereal, in a variety of fun, currency shapes.  On the box an explosive, text-filled, star shape advertised, “Look inside for a chance to win a real gold bar!”
He shook the cereal into the bowl.  A mix of shapes – circular, rectangular and dollar-signed – fell in a cascade of wholesome browns ranging from tan to umber.  He poured milk over the cereal and then hunted around for a spoon.  Not just any spoon.  The spoon.  The silver spoon.  It was difficult amongst the stainless steel flatware but he found it.  He took a bite and crunched noisily through the first mouthful. 
Then he took another.
“Alright,” he said once that second bite was down, “what can I do for you?”

The woman took a deep breath, tears wet her eyes, and she began.

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Satisfied Customers 19: The Super Special Alaskan Trilogy (part three)

Alaska is rioting.  With no release date set for Enslaved by the Bonus Whores: A Corporate Man Adventure the Alaskans have besieged books stores with their guns and their beer, staging huge, sit-in protests.  When booksellers tried to make the protestors aware of the fact that Enslaved by the Bonus Whores: A Corporate Man Adventure will be released online through the Corporate Man Blog… Well, there was trouble, wasn’t there?  Incoherent but recognizably derogatory shouts about Kindles and Nooks filled the air. 

In hopes of easing the burdens of being an Alaskan with Corporate Man material just out of reach, we offer Part Three of our three part Alaskan Edition of Satisfied Customers.

Last time we discussed Mama Alaska’s very clever ranger-station-distribution of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man books.  And since ranger stations are like the crossroads of the wilderness (the only things that break up all those trees and rivers and bears) it didn’t take long before all the people of Alaska were familiar with the exploits of Corporate Man and his business themed compatriots. 

Soon, the merchandising began.  Nothing too clever at first.  Always inebriated the Alaskan mind found the subtleties of the Corporate Man universe difficult to emulate in their rugged world.  Their first campaign was successful, but not something to be particularly proud of.

A State sponsored push to increase cigarette sales.

It wasn’t so much the championing of Big Tobacco that cast a shadow on this initial revenue growth strategy, as it was the utterly lowbrow technique of the campaign.  Just glue a cigarette to the book and customers will be back to buy the rest of the pack by the end of the first chapter.

The next Alaskan ploy looked like this.

A very brilliant scheme.  Using Corporate to market not-at-all-haunted-and-or-creepy dolls to children was a smash.  Unfortunately there was some cross pollenization between the first and second marketing campaigns.  This normally would not have been a problem.  After all, babies in Alaska are weaned on cigarettes.  Until they reach puberty the kids up there call them binkies.  What got everyone so riled up were the images that leaked to other states of toddlers puffing on a cancer sticks while dragging those creepy dolls things around.

For awhile it seemed that Corporate Man’s moment in the great northern sun was at an end.  And then along came Mama Alaska once again.  An article appeared in one of those gardening magazines.  A cover story featuring here incredible garden.

A gardening boom swept across the state with sales of statuary at the forefront.  Everyone wanted sculptural pieces that would best accent their Corporate Man books.  Mama Alaska’s garden featured forty-seven copies of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man. 

Soon it became a challenge to see who could incorporate the most Corporate Man books into his or her garden.  And the State has never looked back.  They’ve fully embraced the Corporate Man ideology and are continually seeking out ways to further incorporate the books, and the economic principles contained within, into their daily lives.

To commemorate our return to serialized publication, temporary though it may be, we commissioned Mama Alaska to create a unique line of merchandise for the occasion.  And so, with great pride, we here at the Corporate Man Blog would like to present Mama Alaska’s latest money maker, made with real Alaskan grit, the Corporate Man: Ever Changing Acceptable Standards of Facial Hair play set. 

Order yours today!

And so we say to you, our mad Alaskan neighbors, our number one fans, keep buying those Corporate Man books.  Show all those other states who the number one consumer of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man is.  I hear Hawaii and Idaho are catching up to you so be sure to double your next bulk order.

The End.

 That last joke was written for Alaskans.  If you find it less than amusing then you probably aren’t drunk.

To purchase copies of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man and other works by Tom Landaluce, please choose your format and follow the appropriate link.

Corporate Man Books:

These Odd Morsels:

On Kindle

Kindle version for Europe. (Corporate Man 1, 2, and These Odd Morsels)

On Nook

Saturday, August 9, 2014

Satisfied Customers 19: The Super Special Alaskan Trilogy! (part two)

Ever since the announcement of the short story Enslaved by the Bonus Whores: A Corporate Man Adventure, Alaskans everywhere can be heard shouting, “Bring on the Whores!” or “Give us the Whores!” or just “Whores! Whores! Whores!”  Some Alaskans, eager to purchase new Corporate Man material, have taken to uttering the phrase, “Hey baby, how much?” on street corners.  Sometimes there’s even a bookstore nearby. 

Anyway, it’s a phenomenon.  It’s crazy. 

We here at the Corporate Man Blog, in our triumphant return to serialized publication of economic superhero antics, are honoring those frenzied Alaskans with a three part Satisfied Customer update.  In Part One we met this woman.

We dubbed her Mama Alaska and chronicled her chance encounter with The Tragic Death of Corporate Man text and the subsequent benefits it wrought including wealth, loss of spouse, and whisper calm canines.  In Part Two we will examine the wild-fire spread of the Corporate Man brand across the pristine wilderness of the Alaskan peninsula.

When we left our heroine she was rich beyond imagining, but desperately starved for human companionship.  Remember, this is in Alaska where you can travel around for six or seven years and never see another person.  It’s that big and that desolate. 

She decided that what she needed were business comrades. So she distributed copies of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man around the region.  It is unclear how she did this. Either she chucked copies out the window of a float plane and simply let the winds of fate decide what happened or she made arduous treks to various ranger stations marked out on maps and littered those sites with the manuscript.  Both are viable.  We, however, lean toward the ranger station scenario because of the following, photographic evidence.

Not quite the-smoking-gun concrete variety of proof, but still fairly compelling evidence. We were also provided with extensive ranger station documentation of sudden book appearances at various locales throughout the state.

There was an alternate “tied books to game animals thus distributing them to the Alaskan citizenry via hunting” culture hypothesis put forth by this man.

He is Alaskan literary historian and craftsman jardinière, a man whom we shall call Bubba Alaska.  He also seems to be the sole owner of a mysterious glowing edition of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man.  Unfortunately, we were unable to obtain Bubba Alaska’s supposed evidence of game animal distribution as he was forced to cut our interview short because of some urgent reading he had to do.

Join us next time for Part Three of this very special Alaskan Edition of Satisfied Customers in which we will examine the rampant commercialization of the Corporate Man brand throughout the loveable 49th State of our capitalist union.

To purchase copies of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man and other works by Tom Landaluce, please choose your format and follow the appropriate link.

Corporate Man Books:

These Odd Morsels:

On Kindle

Kindle version for Europe. (Corporate Man 1, 2, and These Odd Morsels)

On Nook

Friday, August 8, 2014

Satisfied Customers 19: The Super Special Alaskan Trilogy! (part one)

Alaska has gone crazy for Corporate Man.  Seriously.  I cannot stress enough how insane they have become for the economic adventures of our beloved business man icon.  There are actual proposals on the governor’s desk, at this moment, requesting that Corporate Man be made the official state bird, the state flower, even the state flag.  The state drink will always remain beer, but residents are requesting that all beer labels feature an image of Corporate Man.  Juneau is being renamed Don Jones, City Hall will become The Office, and Alaska might well become The Alaskan Chapter of the Junior Corporate Men of America. 

And it all started with this.

This woman (let’s call her Mama Alaska), one pleasant rainy day, happened upon a copy of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man.  With nothing better to do, she read it, found herself fiscally amused, and full of brilliant business ideas.  That evening she shared the book with her husband.  Or maybe it was her brother.  Or both.  Anyway, it completely blew his mind.

They had a meeting.  She outlined extensive money making schemes and various investment strategies.  Her proposal lasted for seventeen hours.  She then turned the floor over to him. He had but one idea.

Smoke bombs. 

Mama Alaska was unimpressed. 

For the next few weeks they worked separately to realize their visions.  At the end of this time Mama Alaska was a billionaire widow.  His smoke bomb idea proved somewhat fatal.  Rich but lonely she adopted several canine companions.  These, however,  proved less than ideal as business partners.  It seems the vicious fiscal logic of the Corporate Man text cowed them into a submissive state.  Not ideal for the cutthroat world of finance.  Turning lemons into lemonade she recognized the opportunity and sold copies of the Corporate Man book as doggie sedatives and made her fortune.

Please join us next time for Part Two of this three part Alaskan edition of Satisfied Customers in which we will explore the dissemination of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man into the Alaskan landscape.

To purchase copies of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man and other works by Tom Landaluce, please choose your format and follow the appropriate link.

Corporate Man Books:

These Odd Morsels:

On Kindle

Kindle version for Europe. (Corporate Man 1, 2, and These Odd Morsels)

On Nook

Thursday, August 7, 2014


There’s a new look sweeping the fashion world these days.  It’s called Corporate Ease.  Where the roots of heroin chic could be traced back to dead rock stars and junkie anorexics, Corporate Ease is a logical extension of catalogue and game show modeling or the deluge of product placement in movies and television.  No portfolio is complete these days without an image featuring something underground.  Something hip.  Cult movies, indie music, or terribly well written books.  At the forefront of this movement is one book in particular.  The Tragic Death of Corporate Man. 

Striking pure gold this month the scrappy little blog-released novel has landed on the cover of everyone’s favorite British magazine, Modern Tweed.

The editor of Modern Tweed had this to say of the product placement coup: “Jolly bollocks!  Bloody!  Tweed!  Wot! Quite right.  Quite right.”

The article goes on to predict that a wave of cover images for Corporate Man will follow the Modern Tweed’s pioneering effort.  Expect to see the book positioned on all manner of  periodicals.  One month it’ll be curled up with a bikini clad beauty, her coconut oiled body pressed against its tender pages, and the next an HGH fueled, six-pack-abs jock will be dripping brow sweat across the prose as he labors to read the sentences.  Dog magazines, body paint obscurities, knitting, outdoors, hiking.  You name it, Corporate Man will grace its cover.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Satisfied Customers 18: Celebrity Edition!

How does local legend, and musician noir, JK2 relax?   He gardens flowers in hanging pots.  I believe the cool kids call this flower potting, but that could just as easily mean something else so we’ll skip it.  What interests us is what JK2 reads to his flowers to make them grow.

“Sometimes I read the Bible.  That one keeps me and the flowers laughing for hours.  Jesus had such a dry sense of humor.  A really subtle wit.  It’s a shame he didn’t write more books before the crucifixion.  His work… it wasn’t the same after that.”

In addition to his religious reading, JK2 also enjoys economics and marketing texts.

The Tragic Death of Corporate Man is brilliant.  Not only did it teach me a great deal about finance but when I read it aloud to my flowers their blossoms get bigger and they look more colorful the next day.”

We drove by the following day and spotted him outside reading volume two of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man.  Check out the blossom comparison.  Just look at those colors! 

Special thanks to JK2 for agreeing to speak with the editors of the Corporate Man Blog.

Please visit him at one of the following webpages and tell him how much you love flowers and Corporate Man and the Bible's more humorous passages.

To purchase copies of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man and other works by Tom Landaluce, please choose your format and follow the appropriate link.

Corporate Man Books:

These Odd Morsels:

On Kindle

Kindle version for Europe. (Corporate Man 1, 2, and These Odd Morsels)

On Nook

Monday, August 4, 2014

Satisfied Customers 17: iGlasses

Before Google ever dreamed of Glass, there were iGlasses.  No, not an Apple device.  They really missed the boat on that particular product.  It should have been obvious.  The iBook, the iPad, the iPhone… iGlasses?  Duh.  But alas, no.  iGlasses first appeared in a wonderful story entitled The Tragic Death of Corporate Man: a hero for capitalism; champion of the working class.  Al Gore may have had something to do with it.  You’ll have to read the book.

Anyway, so inspired by the iGlasses idea, this Satisfied Customer became obsessed with making them a reality.

Apparently he didn’t sleep for months (I believe there were some pills involved) and never left the lab.  Showers became a stranger to him (as did his fellow researchers and assistants).  But the work paid off.  Not quite the Al Gore white-plastic frames model, but a functioning set of computer glasses nonetheless.  Images of Corporate Man slither across the outer surface in a never ending loop while the interior of the lenses display chapters of the books and links to the blog.  Tiny speakers in the temple tips allow the wearer to hear the award winning JK2 music which accompanies the equally award winning Corporate Man commercials.

Eventually Google bought his prototype for billions and rebranded the product in their own image.  

To purchase copies of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man and other works by Tom Landaluce, please choose your format and follow the appropriate link.

Corporate Man Books:

These Odd Morsels:

On Kindle

Kindle version for Europe. (Corporate Man 1, 2, and These Odd Morsels)

On Nook