Corporate Man is called in to investigate reports of vile, unethical business practices at Great American Business Company. What he finds there just might destroy him (except we all know the ending to The Tragic Death of Corporate Man so it should be fairly obvious that it can't really destroy him, though it can come close).
Enslaved by the Bonus Whores is an all new Corporate Man Adventure Serial. Chapters will post every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Friday, June 14, 2013
John Q Public sat in his office. The walls were once again black and all the lights were off except for the malicious red glow of the console buttons at the desk. A low hum buzzed and he took a deep breath.
“Come in,” he said.
A door slid open, white light poured in, and a man strode into the room.
“I have the samples,” the man said.
“Ah… Wonderful. Let’s see them,” said John Q Public.
The man held up a t-shirt. On it was a slogan.
Light ‘Em Up Then Light ‘Em Up.
“The crosshairs are a nice touch,” said John Q Public. “But don’t you think the pot leaf cheapens it?”
The man shrugged and said, “Focus groups show a twenty percent higher return on drug related merchandise and the pot leaf–”
“Yes, yes. I know all about focus groups,” said John Q Public. He continued to scrutinize the shirt. “Is there any news?”
“Yes,” the man said, apparently understanding his boss’s vagaries. “Senior Executive, as you know, has accepted and is settling in quite well. He and General Apathy appear to have patched things up. Business Woman has declined. She has convinced Franklin Buck to do the same and has taken on the girl, Molly, as an apprentice of sorts dubbing her, Junior Partner. They are currently in the old Union headquarters by the river.”
“As expected,” said John Q Public. “No doubt working in secret with Senior Executive. Acquire majority shares in any businesses investing in her enterprise. Offer direct funding as well.”
“Already implemented,” said the man.
“You have my approval on the shirt.”
“Of course, sir.”
John Q Public sighed and then said, “Well then. On to business. New t-shirt design. Possible poster offering. A headstone with glasses and a tie. Epitaph reads, “Here lies Corporate Man, the unbearable dream. Subheading, lower case, in quotes and fancy script, to read:
do not succumb to death, oh dream
subject yourself not to financial slavery
rebel, revolt, rebel
hold accountable the fiscal tyrants
demand reparation with intelligent
“Seems a bit long for a t-shirt,” said the man.
“Yes. Also, spread rumors to insinuate that the previously mentioned quotation was Corporate Man’s final words,” said John Q Public.
“Is this true?”
“Then you’re positive that we should proceed with this?” the man asked.
John Q Public stroked his luscious moustache, but said nothing.
“Sir? Shall I place the order?”
Again, the Big Bossman made no response.