Corporate Man is called in to investigate reports of vile, unethical business practices at Great American Business Company. What he finds there just might destroy him (except we all know the ending to The Tragic Death of Corporate Man so it should be fairly obvious that it can't really destroy him, though it can come close).
Enslaved by the Bonus Whores is an all new Corporate Man Adventure Serial. Chapters will post every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Friday, September 19, 2014
Golden light glinted off champagne flutes. This was the day of the announcement. The celebration of the merger. All the employees were excited and all the decorations were gold, from the place settings and serving platters to the bowties of the wait staff. Even the light bulbs had been changed out for special imported jobs that cast a golden glow over everything.
Corporate Man stood at the back of the room. He was the only one not smiling. Something about this merger hadn’t sat well with him. There’d been far too many signs. Evidence of The Greed and other fiscal villains. And the numbers he’d seen for this deal were far too perfect. He didn’t trust such boastful figures.
A golden knife clinked against a champagne glass and the owner of the company mounted a small stage for the obligatory hurrah-speech. Corporate Man felt a lurch in his stomach.
A whine of feedback cut through the room as the owner picked up a golden microphone. When he spoke his voice was nasally and asthmatic.
“Well, it final. All wrapped up,” he said. A chorus of cheers erupted from the crowd. “And I think this will go down as the most lucrative merger in the history of finance.”
Another round of deafening cheers.
“Unfortunately for most of you, the benefits will not be quite as mutual as we led you to believe.”
Uneasy silence gripped the room.
“In fact,” he said with a raspy chuckle. “Come tomorrow I’ll be soaking up sunshine on my private beach while you’ll find yourself among the unemployed.”
A few of the quicker ones in the room shouted, or wailed, or cried. The owner waived them off and said, “Consider this your notice. With a Pink Slip to come.”
The lights went out
Panicked shrieks followed.
Then a pink spotlight picked out a woman in the far corner of the room. She wore a short skin-tight pink dress with tall, pink leather boots. A pink mask, part domino and part bandana, obscured her face. She tapped a clipboard with a pink pen and when total silence fell on the room she said, “It looks like… we have to make a few cuts.”
She dropped the clipboard and unsheathed a pink katana. Before the first screams escaped the throats of the jumpiest of them, several former employees were relieved of extraneous limbs and superfluous blood supply.
Pink Slip went through the unemployed congregation like a lawnmower through tall, plump grass. Men and women in business casual were turned to mulch. Fingers, hands, arms, legs, and heads fell wetly to the floor, piling up like so much lawn clippings.
Corporate Man dropped down in front of the pink dervish, his well polished shoe delivering a well placed kick to her midsection. Pink Slip stumbled back. Corporate Man’s necktie fluttered over his shoulder and he adjusted his glasses.
Pink Slip drew herself up, her sword held slack at her side rather than in front and at the ready. Red fluid dribbled down the pink blade.
“Now listen here–”
The stroke came so quickly that Corporate Man didn’t flinch until the blade had already flicked past his throat. A streamer of red fluttered to the ground and came to rest in a scarlet pool at his feet.
“That was my favorite necktie!” Corporate Man said, the first syllables cracking and the rest of his sentence a higher pitch than he would have liked. Pink Slip raised her katana and pointed the tip at Corporate Man’s face. They stood there, neither of them moving, awash in the horrible pink light.