Corporate Man is called in to investigate reports of vile, unethical business practices at Great American Business Company. What he finds there just might destroy him (except we all know the ending to The Tragic Death of Corporate Man so it should be fairly obvious that it can't really destroy him, though it can come close).
Enslaved by the Bonus Whores is an all new Corporate Man Adventure Serial. Chapters will post every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Friday, September 21, 2012
“My old friends. My brothers and sisters in arms. It is so good to see you,” The Elephant said, his hands wringing together in greedy, sausage sweat undulations.
“The Elephant!” Corporate Man called out in an exuberant whisper. “I didn’t think you got the alert. I’m so glad you made it.”
“The… alert… Yes, well it’s good to be needed.”
“How did you know we were coming here?” asked Business Woman, her hands on her hips.
“Well it’s rather complicated,” said The Elephant.
“Why don’t you explain it to–”
“Donkey!” Corporate Man gleefully whisper-shouted as Donkey drifted toward the group. “This is most fortunate. Did you two come together?”
Donkey’s face wrinkled into a very sour expression. “Him? No thank you. In fact, I was–”
“Doesn’t matter. I’m glad to see you both,” Corporate Man said. “And we could use the additional man power.”
Business Woman scowled and grabbed Corporate Man’s arm. When she spoke her voice was low and cold and hissing. “Are you out of your mind? These two fools don’t show up at The Office but they turn up here? Like everyone knows this is the place the bastards we’re looking for are holed up? It’s fishy.”
Corporate Man bit his lip, the joy falling from his face. He turned toward The Elephant and took a long, slow, deep breath before he spoke. “Members of the
Union. I would like to apologize for my momentary
loss of practical perspective. It was a
misjudgment on my part at seeing two old colleagues of whom I’d previously
thought lost to us. Now, let’s proceed
with professionalism and retain a cordial demeanor as we examine the situation. We’ve established that our old acquaintances
arrived at this particular location separately from us and independent of our information. So… friends… please explain.”
The Elephant grinned. “Thank you
Old friends. I appreciate the
need for caution in this matter and assure you that my presence at this site of
business and commerce is in keeping with strict adherence to the principles set
for by myself and those I represent and I should–” Corporate
“He’s not saying anything,” Donkey said. “He’s just trying to talk around the subject. God! So typical!”
“Really? Well then, in the interest of fair play,” The Elephant said, “I would like to offer my counterpart an opportunity to illuminate those present as to his position in this matter. Donkey?”
Donkey stood, mouth agape, not moving a muscle except for his eyes, which darted back and forth between his former compatriots.
“Well… I, I, I, I–”
“Come now Donkey, that’s not a proper bray, is it?” The Elephant said. His voice was a cocktail of venom and melted lard.
“Just shut your mouth you… bureaucrat,” Donkey said.
“Oh Donkey, with retorts like that perhaps you should apply that gag order to yourself,” said The Elephant. Donkey huffed and readied himself to spit out something barbed and juvenile but The Elephant waved him off dismissively and continued, “What my lesser counterpart is trying to say is that in the interest of this nation, or more succinctly this nation’s interests, we have been approached by the powers that be and formerly requested to attend to a growing situation that seems likely to threaten those previously mentioned interests and negatively impact the economic prosperity of those in power.”
“They’ve been compromised,” Corporate Man said, taking a step back and assuming a defensive stance.
“Well compensated would probably describe it more precisely. Though, when I consider the situation, I doubt if Donkey had the presence of mind to negotiate for financial benefits, and simply rolled over when confronted.”
“Donkey, tell me this isn’t true,” Business Woman said as she backed toward
Donkey’s head drooped and he exhaled dramatically. “They didn’t tell me it would be like this,” he said, “didn’t say he was going to be involved.”
“Oh my poor, pathetic little burro-buddy, don’t feign naiveté. You crossed a line. Revel in it,” The Elephant said, loosening his tie and unbuttoning his cuffs. “Anyway, this is getting all too boring,” he continued, rolling up his sleeves, “and I can’t believe I’m the one who’s pressing for the physical exertion but… well there you have it.”
The Elephant sprang toward Corporate Man, calling out his pachyderm punch.