Corporate Man is called in to investigate reports of vile, unethical business practices at Great American Business Company. What he finds there just might destroy him (except we all know the ending to The Tragic Death of Corporate Man so it should be fairly obvious that it can't really destroy him, though it can come close).
Enslaved by the Bonus Whores is an all new Corporate Man Adventure Serial. Chapters will post every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Friday, April 20, 2012
Felix was sweating. He hated sweating. He’d once asked his father if beads of sweat might be a good thing, like little body diamonds. His father explained that sweat drops would be akin to cubic zirconium, not diamonds. Felix then ran squealing to the shower and had refrained from strenuous exercise ever since.
He considered closing his shop after the incident with the dirty couple and the… Actually, he couldn’t bear to acknowledge the thought of the thing that had squirmed around his sales floor. But by the time he’d composed himself and come out of the restroom, the store was crawling with sharply dressed tech boys. Felix was horrified that so many people were seeing his business in such a state.
And it made him sweat.
“Copy. We will maintain surveillance but not engage,” said a tech boy wearing a black blazer with pale-yellow elbow pads. He slid his slick, gadgety looking, Post-It yellow phone into the chest pocket of his jacket and made some smart looking hand gestures. Three of the other tech boys snapped to attention and then ran out of the store.
Blazered tech boy glanced around. Was he assessing the situation and deciding what to do with his remaining operatives or was he scrutinizing the condition of the sales floor?
“Alright boys, we need to finish up here, and fast. I have no doubts that we’ll all be seeing some real action and soon.”
There was a burst of nervous hurrahs from the standard tech boys. Then one of them gestured toward Felix and said, “What about him? Do we need to run a battery?”
Felix felt his ass clench.
“He’s not one of ours, but be sure to issue–”
There was a loud crash and a dripping, putrid smelling tech boy with black shorty shorts and a sleeveless, collared shirt of indeterminate color, fell through the cold air return in the ceiling at the back of the store and slammed onto a glass-top counter. It did not break. Felix only dealt in quality.
“I made it out! I’m alive!” shorty shorts said, bounding around the store. Droplets of grayish contaminants flew from fingertips spattering the display fixtures.
“You reek,” said blazered tech boy.
Shorty shorts stopped dancing. His eyes narrowed as he examined the store.
Oh god, even this filthy thing was passing judgment.
“How’d you guys get here?” short shorts asked.
“Duh. In the van,” said a standard tech.
“Then why’d I have to crawl through that corridor of hell if you already knew to come here?”
The tech boy in the blazer stepped up to shorty shorts, leaned forward, and said, “Cause you’re the new guy, newbie. And because it’s funny. Now come on, let’s close it up here and get to where the action is.”