Corporate Man is called in to investigate reports of vile, unethical business practices at Great American Business Company. What he finds there just might destroy him (except we all know the ending to The Tragic Death of Corporate Man so it should be fairly obvious that it can't really destroy him, though it can come close).
Enslaved by the Bonus Whores is an all new Corporate Man Adventure Serial. Chapters will post every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
So… The bull was back, the bossman thought. This was not good. Quite the opposite, in fact. Bad, he told himself in case there was any question. His ass puckered. Nothing pleasant ever followed an ass pucker. He would have to end this quickly.
The bossman fingered the touchpad on his laptop, opened a chat window, and typed, <WTF?>
Though he loathed instant messaging, which was the corporation’s preferred method of communicating these days, he did enjoy a good abbreviated swear.
<what?> came the reply from username: subordinate1.
<the gd bull and the mf china shop> typed username: bossman.
<i’ll look into it>
That was bullshit, subordinate1 already knew what was going on and the bossman knew it, but since there had been no denial of knowledge a “bs” in the reply would seem forced. Don’t bs me, perhaps? No, that wouldn’t do.
<you’ll tell me now> was the best he could come up with.
<well, it seems that the budget cuts at the hospital called for a reexamination of all patient care and an elimination of extraneous treatments and since no one on the staff could recall exactly why the bull was receiving daily dosages of ferdinandicil or what the medication was exactly, they eliminated it from his drug regimen>
Many parts of this reply pissed the bossman off. Most of all was the use of the word extraneous.
<how could you let this happen?>
<not my department>
<what kind of bs answer is that?> The bossman smiled, pleased that he’d found a way to work “bs” in after all.
<you know how this works, different divisions work independently from each other and often arrive at contradictory policy decisions, completely dicking over the other department>
Yes. He did know this. This was how corporate
functioned, creating wonderful areas of inefficiency to exploit. America
<what is your recommendation?> the bossman typed.
<i think this is a deal breaker>
The bossman gasped. They had worked on the china-shop-bull project for nearly a decade now. Was it really time to step away and cut their losses? But, were there, in fact, any losses? He hesitated for a moment, and then, positive in his decision and confident that there was no organic was to work in another abbreviated swear, he simply typed <done>