Corporate Man is called in to investigate reports of vile, unethical business practices at Great American Business Company. What he finds there just might destroy him (except we all know the ending to The Tragic Death of Corporate Man so it should be fairly obvious that it can't really destroy him, though it can come close).
Enslaved by the Bonus Whores is an all new Corporate Man Adventure Serial. Chapters will post every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Friday, January 13, 2012
When Dale picked up the phone a robotic voice politely asked him to hold. His jaw flexed, grinding his teeth together. The hold music started. Poppy, boy-band drivel. A grunting sound escaped through his nostrils and his eyes flared.
“Thank you for holding. We do appreciate your patience and will be with you shortly. Your approximate hold time is four minutes.”
Dale considered smashing the phone against the wall. Repeatedly.
After two minutes, the message repeated. His expected hold time was now two minutes.
Another two minutes passed.
“Thank you for holding. I am Lisa with Type-N-Talk relay service. May I have your name please?”
“Thank you Dale. Would you please verify your last name for me?”
Again his jaw flexed.
He hated that name. The corporation had decided that his name should reflect his position. This brilliant decision came about after a public opinion survey discovered that 72% of those polled enjoyed it when a person’s name matched his or her occupation. His real name was Donald but thanks to public opinion he was forced to change it to Dale Breaker, The Deal Breaker.
“Thank you Mr. Breaker. Have you ever used relay before?”
“Yeah, I think so. This is where someone on the other line is deaf, or maybe a lazy computer geek with no social skills, right?”
“Pretty much. Just pretend I’m not here and speak as though your are talking directly to the person on the other end and say the word ‘over’ where you’ve finished. Do you understand?”
“Mr. Breaker, we are in need of your services. Over.”
“What’s the job? Over.” Dale could hear a flurry of keystrokes on the other end of the line.
“The bull has been spotted outside the china shop. It is time to break this deal. Over.”
“How did this happen? Over.”
“Irrelevant. But if you must know, there were some unforeseen budget cuts at his corral. Over.”
“Maybe if you didn’t waste time and money with this relay service crap and called me directly, the budget would not have been compromised.”
Keyboard clacking sounds, followed by a long pause. Then the operator said, “Is that an over?”
“Were you finished? You need to say ‘over.’”
“Uh, yeah. Over.”
A few more keystrokes.
“I’ll assemble a committee to look over your proposal. Meanwhile, keep me informed. I want to know when the deal is broken.”
Dale winced at the blatant corporate jargon.
“The caller has disconnected,” Lisa said.