Corporate Man: Satisfied Customers 19: The Super Special Alaskan Trilogy (part three)

Alaska is rioting. With no release date set for Enslaved by the Bonus Whores: A Corporate Man Adventure the Alaskans have besieged books stores with their guns and their beer, staging huge, sit-in protests. When booksellers tried to make the protestors aware of the fact that Enslaved by the Bonus Whores: A Corporate Man Adventure will be released online through the Corporate Man Blog… Well, there was trouble, wasn’t there? Incoherent but recognizably derogatory shouts about Kindles and Nooks filled the air.

In hopes of easing the burdens of being an Alaskan with Corporate Man material just out of reach, we offer Part Three of our three part Alaskan Edition of Satisfied Customers.

Last time we discussed Mama Alaska’s very clever ranger-station-distribution of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man books. And since ranger stations are like the crossroads of the wilderness (the only things that break up all those trees and rivers and bears) it didn’t take long before all the people of Alaska were familiar with the exploits of Corporate Man and his business themed compatriots.

Soon, the merchandising began. Nothing too clever at first. Always inebriated the Alaskan mind found the subtleties of the Corporate Man universe difficult to emulate in their rugged world. Their first campaign was successful, but not something to be particularly proud of.

A State sponsored push to increase cigarette sales.

It wasn’t so much the championing of Big Tobacco that cast a shadow on this initial revenue growth strategy, as it was the utterly lowbrow technique of the campaign. Just glue a cigarette to the book and customers will be back to buy the rest of the pack by the end of the first chapter.

The next Alaskan ploy looked like this.

A very brilliant scheme. Using Corporate to market not-at-all-haunted-and-or-creepy dolls to children was a smash. Unfortunately there was some cross pollenization between the first and second marketing campaigns. This normally would not have been a problem. After all, babies in Alaska are weaned on cigarettes. Until they reach puberty the kids up there call them binkies. What got everyone so riled up were the images that leaked to other states of toddlers puffing on a cancer sticks while dragging those creepy dolls things around.

For awhile it seemed that Corporate Man’s moment in the great northern sun was at an end. And then along came Mama Alaska once again. An article appeared in one of those gardening magazines. A cover story featuring here incredible garden.

A gardening boom swept across the state with sales of statuary at the forefront. Everyone wanted sculptural pieces that would best accent their Corporate Man books. Mama Alaska’s garden featured forty-seven copies of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man.

Soon it became a challenge to see who could incorporate the most Corporate Man books into his or her garden. And the State has never looked back. They’ve fully embraced the Corporate Man ideology and are continually seeking out ways to further incorporate the books, and the economic principles contained within, into their daily lives.

To commemorate our return to serialized publication, temporary though it may be, we commissioned Mama Alaska to create a unique line of merchandise for the occasion. And so, with great pride, we here at the Corporate Man Blog would like to present Mama Alaska’s latest money maker, made with real Alaskan grit, the Corporate Man: Ever Changing Acceptable Standards of Facial Hair play set.

Order yours today!

And so we say to you, our mad Alaskan neighbors, our number one fans, keep buying those Corporate Man books. Show all those other states who the number one consumer of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man is. I hear Hawaii and Idaho are catching up to you so be sure to double your next bulk order.

The End.