That last joke was written for Alaskans. If you find it less than amusing then you probably aren’t drunk.
Corporate Man is called in to investigate reports of vile, unethical business practices at Great American Business Company. What he finds there just might destroy him (except we all know the ending to The Tragic Death of Corporate Man so it should be fairly obvious that it can't really destroy him, though it can come close).
Enslaved by the Bonus Whores is an all new Corporate Man Adventure Serial. Chapters will post every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Satisfied Customers 19: The Super Special Alaskan Trilogy (part three)
In hopes of easing the burdens of being an Alaskan with Corporate Man material just out of reach, we offer Part Three of our three part Alaskan Edition of Satisfied Customers.
Last time we discussed Mama
Alaska’s very clever ranger-station-distribution of The Tragic
Death of Corporate Man books. And since
ranger stations are like the crossroads of the wilderness (the only things that
break up all those trees and rivers and bears) it didn’t take long before all
the people of Alaska were familiar with the exploits of Corporate Man and his
business themed compatriots.
Soon, the merchandising began. Nothing too clever at first. Always inebriated the Alaskan mind found the subtleties of the Corporate Man universe difficult to emulate in their rugged world. Their first campaign was successful, but not something to be particularly proud of.
A State sponsored push to increase cigarette sales.
It wasn’t so much the championing of Big Tobacco that cast a shadow on this initial revenue growth strategy, as it was the utterly lowbrow technique of the campaign. Just glue a cigarette to the book and customers will be back to buy the rest of the pack by the end of the first chapter.
The next Alaskan ploy looked like this.
A very brilliant scheme. Using Corporate to market not-at-all-haunted-and-or-creepy dolls to children was a smash. Unfortunately there was some cross pollenization between the first and second marketing campaigns. This normally would not have been a problem. After all, babies in
Alaska are weaned on cigarettes.
Until they reach puberty the kids up there call them binkies. What got everyone so riled up were the images
that leaked to other states of toddlers puffing on a cancer sticks while
dragging those creepy dolls things around.
For awhile it seemed that Corporate Man’s moment in the great northern sun was at an end. And then along came Mama
Alaska once again. An
article appeared in one of those gardening magazines. A cover story featuring here incredible
A gardening boom swept across the state with sales of statuary at the forefront. Everyone wanted sculptural pieces that would best accent their Corporate Man books. Mama
Alaska’s garden featured forty-seven copies of The Tragic Death
of Corporate Man.
Soon it became a challenge to see who could incorporate the most Corporate Man books into his or her garden. And the State has never looked back. They’ve fully embraced the Corporate Man ideology and are continually seeking out ways to further incorporate the books, and the economic principles contained within, into their daily lives.
To commemorate our return to serialized publication, temporary though it may be, we commissioned Mama
Alaska to create a unique line of merchandise for the
occasion. And so, with great pride, we
here at the Corporate Man Blog would like to present Mama Alaska’s latest money maker, made with real Alaskan grit, the
Corporate Man: Ever Changing Acceptable Standards of Facial Hair play set.
Order yours today!
And so we say to you, our mad Alaskan neighbors, our number one fans, keep buying those Corporate Man books. Show all those other states who the number one consumer of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man is. I hear
Hawaii and Idaho are catching up to you so be sure to double your next bulk
To purchase copies of The Tragic Death of Corporate Man and other works by Tom Landaluce, please choose your format and follow the appropriate link.
Corporate Man Books:
These Odd Morsels:
Book 1 - http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0088FKNSI
Book 2 - http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BMI5A5E
These Odd Morsels - http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00EOCJ808
Kindle version for
Europe. (Corporate Man 1, 2, and These Odd Morsels)
Corporate Man Book 1 - http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-tragic-death-of-corporate-man-tom-landaluce/1111781640?ean=9781105848728