2.a.xi
Normal vision
returned. The CEO was waving a hand in
front of Mr. Jones’s face.
“Apparently,
we have a breakdown in communications,” the CEO said turning his attention to
Tanya. “Perhaps we should reschedule.”
Before Tanya
could respond, Mr. Jones leapt onto the desk, grabbed the CEO by the wrists,
and slammed the two golden wasp cufflinks together. There was a static pop, a crackle of sparks,
and a hollow exhalation of breath escaping the CEO’s mouth. A smell like burnt hair crept into the room
and a wispy trail of smoke bled up from somewhere on the CEO’s scalp.
“What did you
do?” Tanya asked.
“Shorted his
programming.”
“He’s a
robot?”
“No, but those
cufflinks are wired to his nervous system and run all the corporate protocols,”
Mr. Jones said.
“How did you
know to do that?”
“Oh… I
remembered it. Junior Executive and I
once infiltrated the Corporate Mind Hive.
This woman was about to put him into a pod that would restructure his
brain to the preferred corporate model.
After I knocked out some of her teeth we–”
Tanya huffed
her disapproval and scowled.
“Don’t worry,
she had enough to spare. Anyway, we were
swarmed by Mind Hive security. Junior
was the one who saw it first. All the
guards wore the golden wasps as well. I
think he was trying to rip a pair off a guard’s sleeve and during the struggle
the cuffs clanged together and the guard shorted out. There’s a monitor center that takes over when
someone in the field goes down like that.
You’ll see it with our friend here in a–”
“LET’S DO A
TEAM BUILDING EXERCISE,” the CEO said raising up quickly in his chair,
seemingly alert.
“He’ll shout
corporate jargon while tech support attempts a reboot.”
“SHELF TALKERS
ARE AN EFFECTIVE WAY
“See,” said
Mr. Jones.
“THE COMPANY’S
SUCCESS DEPENDS ON YOUR ABILITY TO WORK TOGETHER AS A TEAM,” the CEO called out
after a moment.
Tanya’s
face pinched and she shook her head. “Aw
god. Make it stop.”
“I
don’t know if I can.”
“Can
we slap him or something,” Tanya asked.
“Don’t
see why not.”
“PLEASE
FOLLOW THE PLAN-O-GRAM TO ENSURE OPTIMAL MECHANDISING DISPLAYS,” the CEO
continued.
Tanya
smacked his face.
“USE
YOUR SCRIPTING–”
Slap!
“IDENTIFY
AREAS OF OPPORTUNITY– ”
Slap!
“AN
EFFICIENCY EXPERT–”
Slap!
Slap! Slap!
“I’M
SORRY BUT HOURS HAD TO BE TRIMMED. WE
ALL HAVE TO MAKE SACRIFICES IN ORDER TO EXCEL.”
Tanya
raised her hand again, but Mr. Jones grabbed her wrist and, like a boy
detective solving a great mystery, he said, “Hey, have you noticed that every
time you slap him he immediately begins another line of corporate jargon? He
doesn’t even leave a pause.”
“Yeah,”
said Tanya, eager to find out what Mr. Jones had discovered.
“So
stop hitting him,” Mr. Jones said.
Tanya
slumped in a chair and folded her arms.
“GOOD
WORK TEAM. WE’RE FIVE PERCENT ABOVE
PLAN.”
