Corporate Man is called in to investigate reports of vile, unethical business practices at Great American Business Company. What he finds there just might destroy him (except we all know the ending to The Tragic Death of Corporate Man so it should be fairly obvious that it can't really destroy him, though it can come close).
Enslaved by the Bonus Whores is an all new Corporate Man Adventure Serial. Chapters will post every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Corporate Man led the group out of the conference room and said in a loud voice, “Alright. Let’s go find the break room.” Then, in low voice, his lips barely moving, his attention on the hallway in front of them, he said, “We’re in serious trouble here.”
“I know,” said Business Woman. “Inflation. Do you have a plan.”
“Wait. What’s going on?” asked Franklin Buck.
“Quiet, Dollar Man,” Senior Executive hissed. “We can’t let him know we’re on to–”
“Are you looking for the break room?” Betty asked.
“Oh. Um, yeah,” said
“Right this way,” said Better, smoothing the sleeve of her pink blouse.
Reluctantly, they followed.
Franklin Buck squinted his eyes as he walked. Then he rubbed his chin, scratched the back of his head, and looked quite puzzled. Finally he asked, “Weren’t you wearing a different color blouse earlier?”
Corporate Man’s eyes went wide and he glared back at
Franklin. Both Business Woman and Senior Executive
“What?” said Franklin Buck.
“No. It’s the same one I’ve been wearing all day,” said Betty.
“Uh uh. No. The other was blue, or purple or something,” Franklin Buck said.
“It’s inappropriate to notice a female coworker’s attire,” said
“But I wasn’t–”
“Noticing anything about our female coworker’s attire,” Senior Executive said. He moved in close to
Franklin and whispered,
“What do you notice about all the employees in this office?”
“My god. They’re all the same,” he hissed. Every employee strolling about the office of the thirteenth floor was either a Betty or a Jack. The only difference was a slight hue-shift in their business apparel.
“Keep your mouth shut,” Senior Executive said, low, hushed, and angry.
“Though robotic workers have not become a cost effective solution, and therefore remain ineffective when combating rising costs, a dedicated development strategy will ensure that preprogrammed office workers will one day become an affordable business tool, requiring no bathroom breaks, sick days, vacation time, food, or water with simple regimen of routine maintenance checks to ensure a long lasting career,” Betty said.
“Shit. Here it comes,” said
“Additional benefits to cost cutting measures include the ability to serve as our own security staff,” Betty continued. She raised her hands and spread her fingers. The knuckles popped, snapping away from each other, doubling the length of each digit, and creating a menacing, mechanical hand. Her finger tips split and thin blades flicked out. When she next spoke her voice echoed over the public address system.
“All units converge. Alert code: Price gouge! Alert code: Price gouge!”