Corporate Man is called in to investigate reports of vile, unethical business practices at Great American Business Company. What he finds there just might destroy him (except we all know the ending to The Tragic Death of Corporate Man so it should be fairly obvious that it can't really destroy him, though it can come close).
Enslaved by the Bonus Whores is an all new Corporate Man Adventure Serial. Chapters will post every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Friday, March 22, 2013
Franklin Buck preferred the running. At least that made sense. This debtor’s prison made no sense at all. After that enormous, meandering escalator he’d found himself in a small lobby with a popcorn machine and free coffee. There was a teller window, behind which was a door. On this door was a sign indicating a stairwell leading to the lobby. The only way to get beyond the teller window and continue his efforts to find the lobby floor was to sign up for a free checking account. As soon as he’d signed his name and had been issued a debit card, a team of burly security guards slapped cuffs on his wrists and hauled him into a dimly lit corridor where they tossed him into a cell.
An hour later a piece of mail dropped into his holding pen, through a slot in the wall.
It was an account balance statement alerting him to an overdraft of funds. Apparently, upon the opening of his account it was noted that there were insufficient funds which, and the terms of the free account clearly stipulated (in paragraph twelve of subsection thirty-two of the sixteenth entry under the heading account parameters), that should an account carry a balance under five hundred dollars then a twenty-five dollar fee would be applied. Furthermore, there was an additional twenty-five dollar convenience charge for the pleasure of speaking with a real live teller. The debit card was free, but another twenty-five dollar fee had been tacked on for the assignment of a personalized PIN number.
“Hey!” Franklin Buck shouted. “This is bullshit! When I signed up you only asked me for a hundred bucks. And speaking to the teller? You kidding me?”
He read on. With twenty-five dollars left in his account, guards were proactively summoned to haul
off to debtor’s prison because the twenty-five dollar fee for summoning said
guards would bring his account balance to zero.
Additionally, a seventy-five dollar convenience charge would be tacked
on for each live guard as well as a rental fee for the cell in which he was to
be detained. Meals would result in fees
as well. The statement went on to
document twenty-five dollar overdraft fees which were to be applied to each
charge following the zero balance due to the insufficient funds in the account to
which all charges were being attributed to.