In
this week's batch of Satisfied Customer updates we will be focusing on a
specific field of employment, a sector of the workforce that we can absolutely
not do without, the secret envy of our hearts: the call-center worker.
Simultaneously we will investigate a recent anomaly plaguing call centers
across the country, something which affects us all, the decline in service from
our beloved call-center operators.
There
is but one cause for this anomaly, and that is Corporate Man.
Recently
a box of Corporate Man books was detained at a distribution hub for a huge
delivery corporation. Reports are unclear but it is thought that the package
was fishy in nature, having an air of intelligence and sarcastic wit about it.
It sat for months in a cage with the overnighted (an subsequently confiscated) controlled
substances and mislabeled fecal-swipe lab packs until one night when an
impromptu employee party (having something to do with a recent layoff or closure
announcement) required a little kick and the cage was, naturally, opened to
satisfy this need. At some point during the festivities the box containing the
Corporate Man books magically fell open spilling its blessed contents onto the
warehouse floor. Copies quickly circulated throughout the company further derailing
productivity, especially in the call centers of this failing company. Which
brings us to our first Satisfied Customer of the week.
She
claims that the book simply “arrived on her desk one day” and that, at first,
she only read chapters of it in between calls.
As she became more engrossed in the narrative she started placing
customers on extended holds to get in just a few more pages. Then it was on to
equipment sabotage – a mangled headset here a damaged phone line there – and
finally the disappearance of her phone altogether. She requisitioned a dry
erase board and began working the economic formulas contained within the pages
of the Corporate Man text. And after
that came the Wall Street investments. Forbes
is doing a piece on her next month detailing her successes.
