Corporate Man is called in to investigate reports of vile, unethical business practices at Great American Business Company. What he finds there just might destroy him (except we all know the ending to The Tragic Death of Corporate Man so it should be fairly obvious that it can't really destroy him, though it can come close).
Enslaved by the Bonus Whores is an all new Corporate Man Adventure Serial. Chapters will post every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Monday, March 4, 2013
Satisfied Customers 10
In this week's batch of Satisfied Customer updates we will be focusing on a specific field of employment, a sector of the workforce that we can absolutely not do without, the secret envy of our hearts: the call-center worker. Simultaneously we will investigate a recent anomaly plaguing call centers across the country, something which affects us all, the decline in service from our beloved call-center operators.
There is but one cause for this anomaly, and that is
Recently a box of Corporate Man books was detained at a distribution hub for a huge delivery corporation. Reports are unclear but it is thought that the package was fishy in nature, having an air of intelligence and sarcastic wit about it. It sat for months in a cage with the overnighted (an subsequently confiscated) controlled substances and mislabeled fecal-swipe lab packs until one night when an impromptu employee party (having something to do with a recent layoff or closure announcement) required a little kick and the cage was, naturally, opened to satisfy this need. At some point during the festivities the box containing the Corporate Man books magically fell open spilling its blessed contents onto the warehouse floor. Copies quickly circulated throughout the company further derailing productivity, especially in the call centers of this failing company. Which brings us to our first Satisfied Customer of the week.
She claims that the book simply “arrived on her desk one day” and that, at first, she only read chapters of it in between calls. As she became more engrossed in the narrative she started placing customers on extended holds to get in just a few more pages. Then it was on to equipment sabotage – a mangled headset here a damaged phone line there – and finally the disappearance of her phone altogether. She requisitioned a dry erase board and began working the economic formulas contained within the pages of the Corporate Man text. And after that came the Wall Street investments. Forbes is doing a piece on her next month detailing her successes.